LIBRARY OF CONGRESS. 



Shelf.. 



UN- 



UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. 




Seeking and finding. 



PASSAGES IN THE RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE 



REV. WORTHINGTON WRIGHT. 






. *x_W 









NEW YORK: 
ANSON D. F. RANDOLPH & COMPANY, 

900 BROADWAY, COR. 20th STREET. 



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THE USRAftV 
OF C ONGR ESS 

WASHINGTON 






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COPYRIGHT, 1S85, BY 
ANSON D. F. RANDOLPH & COMPANY. 



NEW YORK : 
EDWARD O. JENKINS' SONS, ROBERT RUTTER, 

Printers and Stereotyprrs, binder, 

20 North William Street. 116-118 East Fourteenth St 



INTRODUCTION. 



The publication of this little volume has 
been the result of a growing impression that 
the experience of the writer in the things of a 
spiritual life, at once so rare, so progressive, 
and so continuous, should not be confined in 
its influence, to the individual so favored ; but 
that the stimulus of such successful " seeking 
and finding," should reach other devout seek- 
ers after holiness. 

The manuscripts from which the selections 
are made, were begun in the year 1856, and 
were continued for a period of more than six- 
teen years, until advancing age obliged the 
writer to discontinue them. As for several 
)^ears his home was for a portion of the time 
in Buffalo, N. Y., several pastors of the city 
became familiar with his remarkable expe- 
rience, and were greatly interested in the pe- 
rusal of his Notes. 

After this, I received a letter from the Rev. 
Dr. Walter Clark, since deceased, but then the 
pastor of the First Presbyterian Church, urg- 
ing me at some time to select the most useful 



4 INTRODUCTION. 

of these records, and to publish them as a 
devotional handbook. The Rev. Dr. Wolcott 
Calkins, then of Buffalo, N. Y., now of Newton, 
Mass., and other Christian friends have urged 
the same. 

In conformity with this wish, I have pre- 
pared this small volume. For the convenience 
of the reader, I have arranged the exercises in 
the order of topics, that such selections may- 
be made as may suit the wants of the heart, 
when seeking some new impulse in the Chris- 
tian life. 

I commit this memorial of my beloved fa- 
ther to the care of Providence, hoping that it 
may prove a strength to the weary, and a help 
to those who would realize in its fullest meas- 
ure the promise, " Seek, and ye shall find." 

Edwin S. Wright. 

Amherst, Mass., February, 1885. 



OBITUARY; 



The Rev. Worthington Wright died at the 
house of his son-in-law, Hon. James O. Put- 
nam, on the 28th inst. (October, 1873), at the 
advanced age of eighty-eight years. 

He was born in Windsor, Mass., June 16, 
1785. His father was a physician, and five of 
his seven brothers studied medicine and spent 
their lives in the profession. Mr. Wright 
graduated at Williams College in 1806, and 
was the last surviving member of his class. 

His tastes led him to depart from the usual 
course of his brotherhood, and he sought a 
theological education in preparation for the 
work of the ministry. He graduated at An- 
dover Theological Seminary in 1810. The late 
Dr. Gardiner Spring, of New York City, and 
Dr. Richard Storrs, of Braintree, Mass., were 
members of his class in the Seminary. He 
was first settled as a minister in Woodbury, 



* This obituary, written by the Rev. Albert T. Chester, D.D., 
0/ Buffalo, N. T., will give the chief points of interest in the 
life of the author of these Notes. 



6 OBITUARY. 

Conn.;* his eyes having failed while there, 
he performed missionary service in Pennsyl- 
vania for about three years. Then as the state 
of his eyes still precluded writing, he turned 
naturally to the family profession, passed 
through the regular course of study and lec- 
tures in New York, and receiving his diploma, 
practiced medicine in Riga and Rochester for 
about sixteen years, endearing himself to many 
in both places by his skill as a physician, and 
by his great affability and kindness of heart. 

On the complete recovery of his sight, he 
returned to his chosen profession, and for sev- 
eral years occupied charges in Central and 
Western New York. 

He was then called to the pastorate of the 
Congregational Church of Woodstock, Vt., and 
in this position he spent about thirteen years. 

He afterward preached three years in Charles- 
town, N. H. He continued there in active serv- 
ice until he was in his seventieth year. At that 
time a slight stroke of paralysis disabled him 
from further efforts in public, though he was 
left in full possession of his mental powers. 
For the last eighteen years he had spent a 
peaceful and happy life, living half the time 
each year, including the summer, with his son, 
Rev. Edwin S. Wright, D.D., amid the beauti- 
ful scenery of Chautauqua County, and return- 
ing for the winter to the city residence of his 
daughter, Mrs. James O. Putnam, of Buffalo, 



OBITUAR Y. J 

welcomed in each home by the warm and ten- 
der affection of children and grandchildren who 
cherished him to the last. 

Mr. Wright had enjoyed perfect health dur- 
ing his whole life, hardly ever feeling a pain 
or an ache, with the exception of the trouble 
with his eyes, until he was threescore and 
ten. He recovered from the paralytic stroke 
so far as to enjoy entire bodily comfort to the 
end. This was doubtless owing in great meas- 
ure to his exceptionally virtuous life, and his 
most exemplary habits. Until within two weeks 
of his death this exemption from physical suf- 
fering continued. And even through his last 
briei sickness he was not subject to great pain, 
but gradually lost his hold of life, and at 
length, like a satisfied child he fell asleep. 

These are the salient points in the long his- 
tory of an unpretending Christian minister, 
whose life was the best possible commentary 
upon his Gospel preaching. He was of the 
old style clergy — always serious — his mind evi- 
dently so filled with the momentous themes 
upon which he discoursed, that he had no time 
or taste for the trifling. Always dignified, he 
commanded the respect of all who knew him, 
both for his personal character and the sacred 
office which he magnified. 

In his later years he was remarkable for the 
fervor of his piety and his rich spiritual expe- 
riences. Few can be found of whom it can be 



8 OBITUAR Y. 

said so emphatically and with such a breadth 
of meaning, " He walked with God." 

Placed in circumstances of comfort, freed 
from all cares and responsibilities, he had 
leisure to devote himself to spiritual things. 
Though he was no ascetic, and enjoyed the 
society of his friends, yet he could spend 
hours each day in his own retirement, gather- 
ing thought and strength for his spiritual 
labors, receiving such foretastes of heavenly 
bliss, that it is hardly too much to say that he 
has been in heaven these many years. He 
wore on his face a smile that partook of the 
angelic, that told each beholder that his life 
was in the world above. So he continued to 
preach the Gospel to the very hour of his de- 
parture. It did not seem like dying to have 
him depart. The blow is most severe to those 
who loved him all the more and clung to him 
the more tenaciously because they had kept 
him so long. 

Yet to him it was all joy. A perfect trust 
in his Redeemer and an ardent longing for 
His unclouded presence, made his last hours 
serene ; and his ripened spirit passed from 
earth to heaven as gently as the morning 
breaks into day. 



PREFACE 



I DEFERRED to a late period of my life the 
practice of keeping a journal of religious 
exercises. I was at length induced to com- 
mence it, for the following reasons : 

Often in my meditations on* Divine truth, 
thoughts were suggested which I wished to 
retain ; also motives to religious practice, 
which I wished to recall, but they escaped my 
memory. Likewise, particular passages of 
Scripture came to my mind with fresh inter- 
est, and when afterward I wished to remem- 
ber them, they were forgotten. I concluded 
that a record of such Scriptures, and reflec- 
tions upon them for practical use to myself, 
might be profitable in leading me to review 
my own exercises and duties as expressed and 
acknowledged. 

I have occasionally based my meditations 
on some portion of Scripture, because it is 
profitable to keep closely to Divine truth ; it 
being the Sword of the Spirit. It affords also 
a rich variety of subjects for improvement in 



10 PREFACE. 

spiritual knowledge and practice. I am aware 
that good men are not alike interested in writ- 
ings of this nature. Some attach to them a 
kind of sacredness peculiar to secret commun- 
ion with God, which to their minds renders 
it most suitable that they be used solely for 
the benefit of the writer. 

Others think they are not sufficiently re- 
liable by reason of the infirmity incident to 
humanity, exposing the writers to give a 
higher expression to their thoughts and affec- 
tions than could be warranted by the reality. 

Respecting my own case, I am very sensible 
that everything I do is liable to be tarnished 
with sin. But I am also conscious of having 
recorded my exercises in the fear of God ; 
never forgetting that any deception would be 
known by Him. I am also conscious of the 
motive of desiring to do good to endeared 
friends, whom I shall leave in a world of sin 
and conflict ; hoping they might in some de- 
gree be encouraged and directed by the ex- 
perience of one who loved them. 

I have felt myself sustained in this employ- 
ment by the import of Scriptural precept and 
example ; and especially by the example of 
the Psalmist, who said : " I will tell what the 
Lord hath done for my soul." 

The principal means which have been at- 



PREFACE. H 

tended with God's blessing in the various ex- 
ercises recorded in these pages, are briefly the 
following: an habitual consecration of myself 
to God — receiving the Word of God as un- 
questionable truth — allowing no difficulties 
and no reasonings of my own to awaken a 
doubt respecting the consistency of any part 
of Revelation with the perfections of God. I 
have taken God at His word respecting His 
promises to those who seek Him ; resolving 
that nothing should hinder me from seeking 
after more and more light and. grace, in the 
ways that He directs. 

Watchfulness over my heart, accompanied 
with prayer, has been especially blest for the 
attainment of light and comfort. Reading 
the Bible also, with self-application and medi- 
tation. In seasons of darkness, I gave my- 
self no rest ; but diligently sought the bless- 
ing of God till I obtained it. I have not 
parleyed with temptations of any kind ; but 
have dismissed them hastily, as the enemies of 
my peace and of my God. 

I have sought to impress my mind with a 
deep sense of obligation to glorify God, and 
to glorify Christ for redeeming love. It has 
been my endeavor to live as in the presence 
of God. I have cherished a sense of my con- 
stant dependence on Him for light and grace ; 



12 PREFACE. 

realizing that no past or present attainment 
would warrant the least self-reliance. 

A frequent inquiry has been, am I pleasing 
God? Or will this or that course of conduct 
be in accordance with His will ? I have sought 
to keep a low place before God ; and to re- 
member the sinfulness of my nature. But the 
most successful of all means, and that which 
has brought most light and joy to my soul, 
has been, "Looking unto Jesus" as my 
righteousness and strength, as my "all in all." 
To Him be glory forever. Amen. 



SEEKING AND FINDING. 



Serving God by prayer. 

I HAVE sometimes indulged the feeling, 

that, as I am now unable to preach the Gos- 

n „ pel or to engage in any active 
June 17, 1856. F . rr r, u 

enterprise, my hie has become 

almost useless. But I have lately reflected 
that prayer is not useless, and that by pray- 
ing more fervently and frequently for what- 
ever relates to the prosperity of Christ's king- 
dom, I may still be instrumental of good. I 
will therefore seek more earnestly to pray as 
God would have me for the cause of holiness 
on earth ; for ministers and churches ; for im- 
penitent sinners generally and particularly ; 
for the prevalence of the Gospel in its purity ; 
for my country in respect to its civil and re- 
ligious interests ; and for all the world. 

The personal appropriation of Christ. 

I have taken much satisfaction in receiving 

Christ again and again as my 

atoning Saviour by a direct act of 

the mind. I delight to feel that preciousness 



14 SEEKING AND FINDING. 

of Christ's love and that gratitude and obliga- 
tion which result from a strictly personal ap- 
plication of His sufferings; adopting such ex- 
pressions as the following: "He hath borne 
our griefs and carried our sorrows " — my 
griefs, my sorrows. " The Lord hath laid on 
Him the iniquity of us all " — my iniquity. 
" This is my blood which is shed for you " — 
shed/i?r me. " Christ also hath once suffered 
for sins ; the just for the unjust " — for me un- 
just. " He bore our sins in His own body on 
the tree " — He bore my sins. " He was made 
a curse for us " — made a curse for me. 

All good in Christ. 

" Christ is all and in all " (Col. iii. u). It is 
a soul-satisfying thought, that though there 
_ may be nothing; in myself on 

which I can rely for happiness, 
I have all good in Christ. I am darkness, 
but Christ is my light. I am weakness, but 
Christ is my strength. I am pollution, but 
Christ is my righteousness and purity. I am 
guilty, and merit eternal death ; but in Christ 
I have forgiveness and eternal salvation. I 
am poor and needy, but in Christ I am rich 
and inherit all things. I desire therefore to 
renounce myself forever, and adhere to Christ 



SEEKING AND FINDING. 



15 



as my all in all. What thanks are due to God 
for His unspeakable gift. What ascriptions 
of praise are due to Christ that He not only- 
permits, but causes me to receive Him as my 
portion forever ! 

Purity of mind essential to communion with 
God. 

For some time past I have reflected on the 
necessity of purity of mind as a qualification 
for communion with God. 
" Blessed are the pure in heart, 
for they shall see God." This promise re- 
lates to this life, as well as the life to 
come. An impure mind is a dark mind. 
The light which comes from the Holy Spirit 
is never there. Forms of prayer will not pro- 
duce it. Conscience will not produce it. If 
I would expect the Holy Spirit to give me a 
lively faith to behold the beauty of the Lord, 
I must not grieve Him by impure thoughts. 
Therefore, the moment I perceive their intru- 
sion, I will strive to banish them, as alike, 
the enemies of my peace and of my God. As 
all sin is impurity in God's sight, I will watch 
against pride, vanity, and all worldly affec- 
tions. Then I may hope to see more of His 
moral perfections and glory in this present 
world. 



1 6 SEEKING AND FINDING. 

Keeping the heart. 

" Keep thy heart with all diligence, for out 
of it are the issues of life." Much sad experi- 
ence will, I trust, lead me here- 

Augnst II. . • i 

after to a determined and steady 
compliance with this precept. In several in- 
stances in my life where God seemed in a 
special manner to give me the light of His 
countenance, and to refresh my soul with 
peace and joy, these seasons have been short- 
ened by not duly watching, and praying, and 
keeping my heart. By my own fault in such 
neglect, great has been my loss. It has taken 
a large portion of my life to learn, effectually, 
how to live, or how to practice the teaching 
of the Bible, and thereby to have peace of 
mind, and a hope that is as an " anchor of the 
soul." But, for many months past I have had 
the happiness to live mostly in such a state. 
In dependence on God for needful aid, it is 
my deliberate purpose to yield myself habit- 
ually to those great rules and motives which 
the Bible contains for the regulation of the 
heart and life. That I may not fail to do this 
I will strive to be watchful and prayerful, and 
to keep my heart with all diligence, remem- 
bering that temptations are ever about me, and 
that Satan is a ceaseless and busy adversary. 



SEEKING AND FINDING. 



17 



A soul vision of God. 

I have lately been favored with a clear and 

deep impression of God's presence. He 

„ , seemed to be all about me as a 

October 13. ..... T . 

pure spiritual being. 1 nave 
thought my perception of Him might be 
termed a vision of the soul. I was in perfect 
stillness for some time, being filled with ex- 
alting perceptions of His holiness, greatness, 
and glory. Since this special view of God, 
when I have called upon Him, especially in 
secret, I have generally felt that I came more 
directly to Him, and had near communion 
with Him. Formerly, when my conscience 
reproved me for heart wanderings, I resorted 
to a kind of legal preparation before I called 
on Him " for grace to help." But I still felt 
unfitted to pray, and often closed without any 
sensible blessing, except a greater sense of my 
sins. But of late, on the first alarm that con- 
science gives me of a wrong state of feeling, 
I present my corrupt heart directly to God for 
His mercy, through Christ ; believing that His 
almighty power and grace can at once subdue 
such a heart, that He can shine into such dark- 
ness, and cause me to see and enjoy the light 
of His countenance, and bring me to repent- 
ance. I find, the sooner I apply for the balm 
of Gospel grace, the sooner I am healed. 



1 8 SEEKING AND FINDING. 

The love of Christ. 

To-day the love of Christ appeared wonder- 
ful, surpassingly wonderful. No other than 
infinite love. Surely there is 

November io. . 

nothing in the way of free access 
to God on the part of Christ for all spiritual 
good. The believer in Christ has as good 
ground to pray for all that he needs as Christ 
has to intercede for him. The ground is the 
same. I can not be too humble in prayer ; 
but I am often too timid, lacking the assur- 
ance that the way of access to God is freely 
open for such a sinner. For I am invited and 
required to come confidently to the throne of 
grace, that I may find mercy and grace to help 
in time of need. The blessing is ready. I 
have only to believe, rejoice, and praise the 
Lord. 

Confidence in the rectitude of God. 

" The Lord is righteous in all His ways, 

and holy in all His works " (Ps. cxlv. 17). 

"There is no searching of His 

Feb. 13, 1857. , . ,. „ „ . b 

understanding. Having recent- 
ly read the ninth chapter of Romans, and re- 
flected on the mystery of God's ways, I have 
resolved that nothing which God has revealed, 
and nothing that He has done, or declares 



SEEKING AND FINDING. 



19 



that He will do, shall lessen my confidence in 
His wisdom, nor my joy and trust in Him, as 
a Being of infinite perfection. For, as I can 
not comprehend Him, it is my duty to re- 
ceive with humility and faith whatever He has 
revealed concerning His purposes and provi- 
dential government. 

In view of all His decisions and acts, I will 
regard it as an eternal truth, that "He is 
righteous in all His ways, and holy in all His 
works." As such a God, I will love Him, 
and rejoice in Him as much as though there 
were no mysteries in His ways, as much in- 
deed as if there were no sin, and no hell ; and 
only a heaven for all intelligent creatures in 
the universe. God does not require me to 
understand anything above my comprehen- 
sion. But, He requires me to believe and 
humbly trust Him. I desire, therefore, that 
I may never be guilty of setting up my wis- 
dom as a standard for God, nor ever be guilty 
of discarding the plain meaning of inspiration, 
by substituting an interpretation that better 
accords with my judgment concerning moral 
rectitude. 

Spiritual union with Christ. 

I have an increasing consciousness of a 
spiritual union to Christ. No language seems 



20 SEEKING AND FINDING. 

so fitting to represent it as that of Scripture ; 
,_ , such expressions as " Abide in 

March II. \ . 

Me, and I in you. " If any man 
be in Christ." " That they may also be one 
in us." This spiritual union to Christ is at- 
tended with a delightful sense of nearness to 
Him, and leads me to seek my happiness in 
His interest. I reflected also, that while 
Christ knows my sins, He knows my repent- 
ance of them, and my self-loathing as I think 
of them. He knows how I hunger and thirst 
after righteousness. He knows how I re- 
nounce all resources of my own for salvation, 
and that I believe in Him as " the Way, the 
Truth, and the Life." He sees how I delight 
to receive pardon and eternal life, wholly by 
grace, and love to ascribe to Him all the 
glory. He sees me as I daily seek to be con- 
formed to His will. And though He sees 
that my heart is not immovably fixed on Him, 
as it should be ; He also sees that I have sor- 
row of heart that I honor Him no more ; and 
have so little of His Spirit ; and that I long 
to do His will perfectly, and to glorify His 
name with all my powers of body and spirit ; 
and that this is the happiness which I ardently 
desire in another life. If perfect obedience, 
even for a day, were the condition of accept- 
ance, I should at once despair. But, as a 



SEEKING AND FINDING. 2 1 

candid belief and trust in Him, amidst many 
imperfections, imply a saving and indissolu- 
ble union to Him, I am constrained to con- 
clude that He who sees my many imperfec- 
tions, also sees that I love Him. I indulge, 
therefore, the animating hope, that where He 
is, there I shall be eternally. 



The joy of self -destitution. 

" As having nothing, and yet possessing all 

things " (2 Cor. vi, 10). I have aji impressive 

, , sense of having no resources in 

March 31. 

myself. And if I had, they would 
be the resources of a creature. If I could 
originate spiritual light, and spiritual desires, 
and spiritual joys, they would all be charac- 
terized by the smallness of a creature's capac- 
ity. It is therefore a blessed truth, that I am 
entirely dependent on the merciful and Al- 
mighty God. Although I have nothing in 
myself ; yet believing in Christ, I have infi- 
nitely more than I can possibly conceive, even 
all the good that God can conceive as adapted 
to my wants and capacity. If indeed I am 
Christ's, I have all things. If God is my God, 
as the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, 
then my destitution in myself is the occasion 
of incomprehensible fullness and blessedness. 



22 SEEKING AND FINDING. 

I glory therefore in my dependence ; that all 
good may come directly from God ; having in 
it Divine excellence, and bringing me into 
harmony with Him in spirit and in happiness. 
Such reflections filled me with unusual joy. 
" The depth of the riches, both of the wis- 
dom and knowledge of God " was before me. 



Renewed Consecration. 

Oh the happiness of giving myself unre- 
servedly away to the Lord, to do His will, and 
to glorify Him. It is happiness 
indeed, to lose sight of the lit- 
tleness of self, and be absorbed in admiring 
and loving the perfections of God. 

My soul is elevated, my heart is joyful, and 
filled with a spirit of praise, in view of His 
purity, goodness, and glory. I have sought 
during the past week, a renewed consecration 
of myself to God. I have been enabled so 
far to do it, as to realize that herein is life : 
that for me to live is Christ ; that all besides 
is a blank, yea, worse than a blank. So abun- 
dant is my joy when God is near, and so fre- 
quent has been this happy experience, that 
when I do not sensibly enjoy it, I become 
impatient of delay, and make haste to seek it. 
The more constant I am in making brief men- 



SEEKING AND FINDING. 23 

tal petitions, the shorter are the intervals in 
which I have no spiritual light. 



God enjoyed in public travel. 

To-day I have enjoyed the special presence 
of God in a public conveyance. I have been 
too ready to yield to the sugges- 
tion, that the bustle and change 
of scene incident to such a mode of travelling, 
are unavoidably adverse to profitable thought 
on spiritual subjects ; and that near inter- 
course with God must almost of necessity 
be suspended, till the quietness of home can 
be enjoyed. But, during a ride of a few 
hours to-day, by the railroad, I resolved to 
seek a blessing from God ; since He is as 
truly present in a public conveyance as in 
the closet. "As I mused the fire burned." 
Seldom have I enjoyed in secret devotion at 
home, or in the house of public worship, 
more enlarged and affecting views of the per- 
fections of God, and of the riches of His grace 
in Christ. In looking upon the multitude of 
passengers, I thought that with few excep- 
tions, they were mostly without God in the 
world. And I esteemed it a privilege to 
commend them all, in silent petition, to the 
Divine Mercy. 



24 SEEKING AND FINDING. 

Penitence for Sin. 

In private religious meditation, this morn- 
ing, the degree of penitence I felt for sin was, 
A ., for me, very unusual. It was 

April 23. ' J 

connected with clear and im- 
pressive views of the perfections of God, and 
His mercy and love through Jesus Christ for 
a lost world, and especially for such a sinner 
as I felt myself to be. The general tenor of 
my life, since my supposed conversion in 
1 8 10, occasioned deep sorrow and many tears, 
in the review ; so defective had I been in 
keeping myself in the love of God, and living 
for His glory. Yet, amid this sorrow, my 
joy was great in " looking unto Jesus," and 
seeing His fullness, and the completeness of 
His people in Him. 

Love for the Church. 

The prosperity of the whole visible Church 
on earth, has been a subject of much interest 
to my heart. 

May 4. 

I can not doubt that I love 
the Church as the Redeemer's purchase, and 
as destined to glorify God forever. I have 
contemplated her as being precious to Christ, 
yet, generally too much conformed to the 
world ; too little attentive to the teaching of 



SEEKING AND FINDING. 25 

her Lord, and therefore in comparative dark- 
ness, and not doing faithfully her appropriate 
work. I have been led to pray, with unac- 
customed importunity and interest, for her 
Christian union and fellowship, and her con- 
secration to God. 

Hoiv to be kept in the love of God. 

I have been considering what means I 
ought to adopt to keep myself in the love of 
God, amid special cdres, and in 
the company of those who are 
without God in the world ; and when circum- 
stances prohibit meditation and the propriety 
of religious conversation. That I may be 
unharmed by such occurrences, I should often 
raise my thoughts and desires to God in such 
brief petitions as these : " Keep me from sin." 
" Let me realize Thy presence." " Let me 
not depart from Thee." " Lead these per- 
sons to Christ." Momentary petitions will 
not interrupt the transaction of any business, 
nor be inconsistent with any conversation in 
which it is suitable to engage, while they will 
greatly aid to keep the heart stayed on God. 

Dwelling in Love. 

" He that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God ; 
for God is love." What then is that love in 
2 



26 SEEKING AND FINDING. 

which I must dwell, that I may dwell in God? 
It must be love to God. It 

May 25. , , _ 1 ', 1 

must be love to Christ ; love to 
His people; love to the souls of men; love 
for the Bible ; love for heaven ; love for the 
service of God. I am conscious of loving all 
these. But I long to love them more con- 
stantly and ardently. God has greatly favored 
me this day with His presence and His love 
shed abroad in my heart. Oh, what a dwell- 
ing-place is the blessed God ! Oh, the riches 
of that grace, by which God, in the fulness of 
His love, becomes the habitation of those who 
trustfully and cordially believe in Christ. 

I have an increasing love for the kingdom 
of Christ. I think with rejoicing of His nu- 
merous disciples now in the world, and feel a 
deep interest in praying for all that really be- 
long to Him. However feeble the Christian 
graces may be in many of His members, I 
love them still ; because they have something 
of the spirit of Christ, and belong to His 
spiritual body. In some seasons of private 
devotion, I have intense desires that Zion may 
everywhere arise and shine that God may be 
glorified. 

Birth-day reflections. 

This day brings me to the age of seventy- 
two. Hitherto hath the Lord helped me. He 



SEEKING AND FINDING. 27 

has blessed me especially the last year, with 
spiritual blessings. This is a far 
* u greater manifestation of His 

goodness than could have been conferred 
upon me by any amount of temporal good. 
I can testify that God is faithful to His 
promises, that it is not a vain thing to seek 
Him, or to call upon His name in love. The 
light He has given me has greatly increased 
my obligation to be faithful unto death. And 
through His grace, I will esteejn it as my 
highest privilege and delight to do His will. 
I hereby consecrate myself anew to Thee, my 
Saviour and my God. May Thy grace be 
sufficient for me. 

God present in His Word. 

It accords with Divine revelation, that I 

should believe that God speaks to me in His 

Word as a present God. If I have 

June 17. 1111 • 1 

a burdened and penitent heart, 
His words to me are : " Whoso confesseth 
and forsaketh his sins, shall find mercy." 
When I am in spiritual darkness, and desire 
to enjoy the light, Christ speaks to me as 
being present, saying : " He that followeth 
after Me shall not walk in darkness, but shall 
have the light of life." If I have any kind 
of perplexity or trouble, and I speak to Him 



28 SEEKING AND FINDING. 

of my condition, His reply is: "Come unto 
Me and I will give you rest." Whatever, in- 
deed, may be my necessities, I may always 
hear a voice from His Word, to comfort and 
direct me. Since the Author of the Bible is 
unchangeable ; faith alone is needful, to enjoy 
the daily satisfaction of receiving communi- 
cations from the mouth of the Lord. 

Trials. 

It is a great consolation in all my trials, 
that they are the result of God's goodness to 
me. For, " whom the Lord 
loveth He chasteneth." There- 
fore, without trials His redeeming love would 
be imperfect. What ground is here for un- 
limited confidence in God, and peaceful ac- 
quiescence in His will. Let me not fail then, 
to associate every affliction with redeeming 
love. And let me be more solicitous to be 
made better by trials, than to escape them. 

Higher aims and richer experiences. 

I lament that from the commencement of 

my Christian course I had no higher aims in 

a religious life ; that my conver- 

sation was not more in heaven, 

and that I did not make it my constant effort 

and fixed purpose to please God. At different 



SEEKING AND FINDING. 29 

periods of my life God has revived me, by- 
manifesting Himself to me, and giving me 
great refreshment of soul. Had I improved 
such seasons as I ought for continued spiritual 
progress, I might have enjoyed habitually the 
light of His countenance to the present time. 
But, I am tenderly affected with gratitude 
that I may hope so great a sinner is forgiven 
and justified for Christ's sake, and will, at the 
last day, receive a crown of 'righteousness. 
This is all of grace, rich and sovereign grace ; 
and I love to ascribe to God all the glory. I 
desire to praise His name, that for more than 
two years past He has disposed me to strive 
steadily after increasing attainments in a spir- 
itual life. It has been for some time my daily 
aim, in heart and conduct, to do the whole 
will of God. I considered that such an effort 
was my duty and privilege. And though I 
am conscious of sin every day, yet I am also 
conscious that my love to God and Christ, 
my faith, spiritual joy, and all kindred affec- 
tions, have greatly increased. I pray God 
that to the day of my death it may be my 
single purpose to live to His glory. Then it 
will be my happiness to know that I shall 
glorify Him forever. 



30 SEEKING AND FINDING. 

Spiritual riches sought and found. 

Prov. xvi. 1 6. " How much better to get 
wisdom than gold." Like the laborer in the 

^ , mine, I must be diligent in 

>^ 13 - u- - ( t \a • 

searching it 1 would acquire a 

treasure of heavenly gold. I must count upon 
its advantages, and deny myself, and have my 
heart upon it, and be ardent and grasping in 
my desires. And surely the precious speci- 
mens I have found should encourage me to 
persevere. Had I always resisted temptations 
to indolence I might now have been in pos- 
session of a larger treasure. It is vain to im- 
agine that the riches of heaven will, some- 
how, fall into my lap without my labor. The 
whole tenor of the Bible is against such a 
thought. 

God has taught me to-day that I have asked 
Him for more spiritual good than I can now 
bear. Though for some time I 
have had delightful seasons of 
daily communion with Him, yet they have 
been comparatively brief. The more usual 
state of my mind has been calm, meditative, 
peaceful. This morning I besought the Lord 
that He would manifest Himself to me perpet- 
ually, so that I might love Him and glorify 



SEEKING AND FINDING. 



31 



Him more. And as I continued calling upon 
Him, and pleading earnestly that He would 
grant my request, His perfections were in- 
creasingly manifest. " His excellent great- 
ness," or the beauty and glory of His holiness 
as universal Sovereign, and the God of all 
grace, filled me with delight and love. After 
a little time I found the view was too much 
for my nervous system. I shall hereafter con- 
sider it as a more suitable petition that God 
would dispose me to do all my duty, and 
grant me as much spiritual light and love as 
He will enable me to endure. What praise is 
due to His name, that in heaven, the fullest 
vision and the highest exercise of love will 
produce no weariness, no exhaustion. My 
heart is in sympathy with what I conceive to 
be the holiness, the harmony, and the service 
of the heavenly state. And when the brief 
period of this earthly life shall cease, I hope 
to enjoy its blessedness. 

Gain from the enemy. Sin. 

What profit can I derive from sin, as I find 

it in myself, or have knowledge of it in the 

__ , world around me ? A just view 

July 30. J 

of sin, and especially of my own, 
will impress my mind more deeply with the 
excellence of holiness, and with the love and 



32 SEEKING AND FINDING. 

mercy of God to me, and to a world of sin- 
ners. It will impress me with a deeper sense 
of my obligation to obey Him, and to repent 
of sin, and to watch and pray against it. A 
just view of sin will keep me humble, and dis- 
pose me to live near to Christ. It is only as 
I shall have a just view of my sins, that I can 
justly appreciate the great sacrifice which 
Christ made to save my soul, and rightly feel 
what a debt of love and service is due to Him 
now, and will continue to be, through eternal 
ages. When therefore I see an eager pursuit 
after vain, sinful pleasure, I should think of the 
exalted pleasure of present intercourse with 
Christ, and the promise of being with Him 
forever, to behold His glory, and realize His 
love. By such means, Satan will be foiled, 
and my heavenly guide will conduct me, un- 
harmed by the world, to His own blest abode. 

Self-love. 

The more I think of the narrowness and 

meanness of a selfish spirit, and how it turns 

away the heart from all good, 

August 2g. J . ° 

the more I loathe it in myself. 
When there is a glorious God to love, how 
vile to be absorbed, from day to day, from 
year to year, about the littleness of self. I 
find that every conceivable hindrance to my 



SEEKING AND FINDING. 



33 



advancement in a spiritual life is compre- 
hended in selfishness. This is the parent of 
the whole legion of spiritual foes. By rising 
above self, I rise above every species of pride, 
vanity, worldliness, and every evil passion. 
But I can do this only by communion with 
God. In this exercise, I can be impressed 
with His claims, and yield my heart to Him. 
Then, if I perceive the intrusion of a selfish 
spirit, I can treat it as a well-known enemy, 
that has come to blind me to my duty and 
privilege, that I may not see the beauty of 
the Lord ; and thus to make powerless every 
motive to love and serve Him. If I would 
effectually resist this foe, I must keep myself 
in the love of God ; that love which delights 
to range ovQr the infinitude of His glory. If 
Satan assail me, when I am sensible of the 
presence of my God, I have only to look, and 
I am safe. 

Out of darkness into light. 

Yesterday (Sabbath) I enjoyed no de- 
lightful nearness to God through the day, 
not even for a moment, though 
1 spent as much time as usual 
in meditation and prayer. This desolateness 
produced no small degree of sorrow. Such a 
loss had for some time been very unusual. I 

2* 



34 



SEEKING AND FINDING. 



could not account for it. But, I concluded 
to regard it as a test of my fidelity; and 
therefore resolved to take hold of Christ's 
promise, and seek till I should find. 

The cloud of yesterday began this morn- 
ing in some degree to break away. But, I 
did not enjoy satisfactorily the 

Sept. 14. J J . J 

presence 01 God m prayer, boon 
after, in taking a walk, the following inquiries 
and thoughts absorbed my mind. How shall 
my soul be filled again with love to God ? 
Love can be awakened only by the perception 
of excellence. By what means, then, may I 
expect to perceive God's beauty and glory? 
Evidently, by dwelling on His revealed per 
fections, especially as manifested in the Gos- 
pel. Then I reflected that God has done all 
that Christ has done ; and I felt that I had 
entered a broad field of light and love. I had 
precious communion again with my God and 
Redeemer. I thought that this might be a 
preparation for another season of prayer. But 
before I called He answered. I gave myself 
up to the luxury of admiration and love. En- 
deared friends, the church throughout the 
world, sinners in Christian and heathen lands, 
and the universal spread of the Gospel were 
remembered with lively interest. 



SEEKING AND FINDING. 35 

Renewed consecration for life. 

I have renewed my consecration to God for 

life. May the Holy Spirit enable me to be 

daily and hourly the devoted 

September 14. . ~ . , r . 

servant of God. Many are the 
motives which powerfully urge me to this. 
He gave me being. He made me for Himself. 
I was lost in sin and He redeemed me. He 
adopted me as a son. He made me a joint 
heir with Christ. Christ has brought me into 
an indissoluble union with Himself. He never 
forgets me ; never ceases to love me, to watch 
over me, and to intercede for me. He is al- 
ways forgiving me ; always keeping me from 
fatally falling ; always doing me good ; never 
ceasing to teach and to warn me, and to set 
before me the riches of His grace. His love 
is everlasting, incomprehensible, and can never 
be realized in its most blessed results except 
in heaven. In view of such motives, I feel 
constrained to live for God until life shall end. 
" My heart is fixed." But all my sufficiency 
is of Thee, God ; be Thou my helper. 

Prayer. 

Real prayer, such as God requires, often en- 
gages my thoughts with absorbing interest. 
If I do not pray aright I can do nothing aright. 



36 SEEKING AND FINDING. 

But, if I perform this duty truly I shall neg- 
lect no other. I shall then be in sympathy 
with Christ, and be instrumental of unspeak- 
able, though it may be unknown good, not 
only at the present time, but in ages to come. 
I entertain the comforting hope that God 
has accepted my prayers, and for the follow- 
ing reasons : He has made many great and 
precious promises in regard to prayer. I have 
been habitually conscious of trusting in Christ 
as the only ground of acceptance. I have had 
supreme regard for the glory of God while en- 
gaged in prayer, whether praying for myself, 
for friends, for the Church of Christ, or for 
the world. I have had earnest and longing 
desires for those spiritual blessings for which 
I have asked. I have greatly longed after 
personal holiness and deliverance from sin. 
I have felt intense desires in relation to the 
advancement of Christ's kingdom. If, there- 
fore, I pray as Christ requires His members to 
pray, I am entitled to an humble confidence 
that I shall be heard. Hence, I have the 
strongest motives to " pray without ceasing." 
I feel much impressed with my obligation and 
privilege in regard to prayer ; with my obliga- 
tion, because God requires this as a condition 
of bestowing great and innumerable blessings ; 
with my privilege, since prayer brings me into 



SEEKING AND FINDING. 



37 



near communion with the Father, Son, and 
Holy Spirit. 

Finding the kingdom of God in the heart by 
seeking it in the world. 

I was impressed with the feeling that weak- 
ness had come before Almighty strength ; sin 
before Infinite holiness ; ill— 

March 23, 1858. . 

desert before Infinite righteous- 
ness. I commenced praying for myself, but felt 
that strong desire and spirit of importunity 
which my necessities required. Then it occur- 
red to me that a petition for a great and uni- 
versal blessing was first in the Lord's prayer. 
And having often experienced a happy influ- 
ence while praying for the wide extension of 
the Redeemer's kingdom, I directed my peti- 
tions to this object. Strong desires were thus 
awakened, and earnest beseeching was made 
that God would cause His work of grace might- 
ily to prevail till it should extend throughout 
the earth. For some time after this I had 
great peace and soul-satisfying views of God. 
I reflected : What if I am weak and can effect 
nothing, either for myself or for the cause of 
holiness and salvation? God is almighty, and 
can do all His pleasure in favor of His king- 
dom and the salvation of men. Therefore, 



38 SEEKING AND FINDING. 

how trustfully and joyfully ought I to pray 
that His kingdom may come. 



Out of weakness into strength. 

I felt a lassitude of body and mind, which 

seemed to render me incapable of any strong 

desire or interest of any kind, 

April 14. . „ _ .,, -, 

especially m prayer. Still I at- 
tempted to pray in secret, and also by brief 
mental petitions. For many hours, however, 
I realized no communion with God. But 
toward evening it occurred to me, that neither 
bodily nor mental vigor is necessary in order 
to pray truly. Weakness must take hold of 
strength. Thus, under a great sense of weak- 
ness, I cast myself at the feet of Almighty 
Power. Then I perceived that even weak- 
ness could fall, and cast itself upon God. I 
prayed in quiet trust and love. I had also 
great assurance that God would revive His 
people, convert sinners, and extend greatly 
the triumphs of His grace. Thus, the feeling 
of weakness promoted my comfort, making 
me strong in the Lord. I saw more clearly, 
thereby, the all-sufficient power and grace of 
God. I trust I may never again feel too 
weak to pray. 



SEEKING AND FINDING. 



A meeting in heaven. 



39 



Being detained from the morning prayer- 
meeting, I sought to attend another meeting 
in a " house not made with 
hands." The vast assembly could 
not be numbered by man. By means of faith 
I was readily admitted. The glory of God 
and the Lamb shone upon all. All were of 
one heart, loving, praising, and rejoicing. I 
tried in spirit to join with them, so pure, so 
exalted, and so honorable was their worship. 
I thought I would endeavor often to unite 
with them in their exalted worship, having 
my conversation in heaven. Though the dis- 
tance is great, faith will speedily convey me 
there. I shall thereby be better fitted for 
closet devotion, and for seasons of prayer with 
the dear children of God. 



Birth-day reflections. 

This is my birth-day. It has been distin- 
guished by the richest favor from my Father 
in heaven that I ever received 

June 16. . . 

on any of the seventy-two sim- 
ilar days that have preceded it. He has 
granted me a gracious visit, and a delightful 
view of the blessings He has provided for me 



4Q 



SEEKING AND FINDING. 



in a better world. I freely told Him the de- 
sires of my heart, how I wished by His grace 
to live, and how to die. Sweet was my com- 
munion with Him. May love to His adora- 
ble name abide in my soul to the last day of 
my life ; and may all the years that may be 
added to the lives of my dear friends, be spent 
in love and obedience to God, and in the en- 
joyment of His favor, and at death may the 
peace of God attend them. 

The controlling motive of life. 

A desire to please God should be a control- 
ling motive in all my temporal concerns. Such 
a motive would produce most 

June io. t . Tj . , 

happy results. It would pre- 
vent a selfish spirit ; exclude vain thoughts ; 
promote peace of conscience ; obviate spiritual 
darkness ; sanctify and sweeten every employ- 
ment ; alleviate every trial ; and keep my 
heart in preparation for special seasons of de- 
votion. As Christ, our great example, was 
not left alone of His Father, because He al- 
ways did those things that pleased Him ; so I 
may habitually enjoy His presence by seeking 
in all things to please Him. A special effort 
to follow this example of Christ has brought 
peace to my mind, and I can say, though in a 



SEEKING AND FINDING. 



41 



sense unspeakably below His meaning: " The 
Father hath not left Me alone." 

" I know thy works." 

This expression of Christ to the Church in 
Thyatira, in applying it to myself has deeply 
affected me. It assures me that 
He knows my heart and my 
works ; all that I ever thought or did, since I 
professed to love Him ; that He knows my 
many sins as well as my few imperfect desires 
and efforts to serve Him. I was especially 
affected by the thought that at the very time 
when Christ made me a subject of renewing 
grace, He knew how unfaithful I should be to 
Him. 

All my ingiatitude, my forgetfulness of 
Him, my love of the world, my pride of heart, 
my selfishness, and all my wanderings were 
before His mind when He savingly united me 
to Himself to be thenceforth an object of His 
care and love. As I mused upon such good- 
ness it powerfully affected me. I desired sin- 
cerely that I might abuse it no longer. I 
know not that Christ ever seemed more lovely, 
or sin against Him more odious. I am de- 
lighted with the thought that I may habitually 
and consciously abide in Christ. By virtue of 
such a union, in all my defilement by sin, He 



42 



SEEKING AND FINDING. 



is my purity ; in all ill-desert, He is my right- 
eousness ; in weakness, He is my strength ; in 
darkness, He is my light ; in danger, my ref- 
uge ; in want, my wealth ; in ignorance, my 
wisdom ; and finally, in death, He will be my 
life. These are not mere facts to be believed, 
but present blessings to be enjoyed. Thanks 
to Thy name, blessed Jesus, that even in this 
world, so distant from heaven, Thy people are 
complete in Thee. 

Benefit of trials. 

A valuable medicine is often unpalatable. 

Such are the trials administered by the great 

_ , , Physician to His children ; for 

July id. 

He kindly assures them that they 
are needful for their good. They often soon 
experience a salutary effect. But, being as- 
sured of the final benefit, they should with 
patience wait for it ; strictly attending to the 
instructions given them. I have learned by 
experience that the trials which God has pre- 
scribed for me are a present kindness. They 
have renewed my spiritual strength. They 
have given me a higher relish for spiritual 
food, so that I can not be satisfied without 
feasting daily upon the bread of life. My 
spiritual vision is clearer, affording great pleas- 
ure in looking at heavenly objects. I perceive, 



SEEKING AND FINDING. 



43 



far more than formerly, their exceeding beauty. 
My spiritual hearing is improved. Before the 
remedy was administered it was with difficulty 
that I heard what the Lord said to me, though 
it were a plain word of command, or a re- 
proof, or a promise. And when I heard His 
words I imagined many times that He spoke 
to others, rather than to me. But now I per- 
ceive He speaks distinctly to me. Trials are 
not, indeed, joyous in themselves ; but God 
has provided with them great consolation. 

In my own case, it is a great comfort to 
know that they are sent by my Father ; and 
sent with a father's tenderness and love. They 
are wholly the effect of His love. " Whom 
the Lord loveth He chasteneth." And what 
comforting ground of submission is this. 
Would I have Him withhold what His love dic- 
tates? The good result He intends may 
chiefly relate to eternity. But it will surely 
come. My trials are also sent by Christ, my 
loving Redeemer, whose blood was shed for 
my redemption. 

Trials are also from the Holy Spirit, and ac- 
cord with His work as the blessed Comforter. 
By means of them He is carrying forward a 
work of grace. His love is manifested in them 
by teaching me the vanity of the World, and 
leading me to aspire to the happiness of 



44 SEEKING AND FINDING. 

heaven ; often giving me a foretaste of its 
blessedness. Besides all this, God glorifies 
His own name. In view of these truths I 
can cheerfully say, " Thy will be done." 

Abiding in Christ for growth and strength. 

At a morning prayer-meeting, some days 

since, that chapter in John was read which 

„ , n commences with the words, 

October 1 8. 

"Abide in me, and I in you." 
This very familiar direction of Christ, on 
which I trust I have often reflected with profit, 
impressed my mind and heart again with fresh 
interest. I resolved that I would try to com- 
ply with its evident meaning. Since that time 
I have been more intent upon the duty and 
privilege of abiding in Christ, by meditating on 
His character, His teaching, His life, and His 
death ; by dwelling on His fulness and com- 
pleteness as a Saviour ; by familiarly expressing 
my own wants to Him ; by brief petitions also 
for others, and for many objects of religious 
interest. I have sought especially to abide in 
Christ as my righteousness and strength. The 
happy consequences encourage me to perse- 
vere. All religious duties have been performed 
with more readiness and comfort. I have been 
peculiarly aided in secret prayer. When in 
the presence of God, by abiding in Christ, I 



SEEKING AND FINDING. 45 

have confidence that I can be heard. For, it 
is by God's own mercy that I am in Christ. 
He Himself, by His sovereign grace, has 
brought me into this union and fellowship 
with His Son, that I might plead His right- 
eousness, and the efficacy of His blood for my 
pardon and justification. It is my earnest 
prayer, that when I shall be called to die, I 
may be found abiding in Christ. 

Spiritual desolation. 

The spiritual darkness of yesterday, con- 
tinued until afternoon to-day. I was in the 
House of God. During the 
, r , ' singing; before the sermon, I re- 

Nove?7ioer 14. o & 

fleeted, " How great is the de- 
pravity of my nature. How entirely void is 
my heart of all right affections, except as God 
imparts His special grace. If He leaves me 
to myself, I can dwell on His love in Christ, 
without feeling or gratitude. I can range 
over His precious promises, and the riches of 
His goodness, and the heavenly state, with a 
cold heart. And when I pray, I have in my 
nature no fervency of spirit, no warmth of 
affection, no affecting sense of obligation, no 
longing desires after holiness." These reflec- 
tions humbled me. I saw my depraved na- 
ture, and that it still remained in a great de- 



46 SEEKING AND FINDING. 

gree of strength, notwithstanding all that 
God had done for me. I realized most sen- 
sibly, that all the spiritual light and love I 
had ever experienced, were entirely of God's 
grace ; that in my nature there is nothing 
right ; nothing pleasing to God. Love, grat- 
itude, and a spirit of prayer were again 
awakened, and I was happy in God as at 
other times. Without almighty grace, I 
should at any time lose all spiritual good. 



Christ revealed in prayer. 

Never, as I think, have I appropriated 
Christ so fully as my righteousness and 
strength, as I have this morning. 
He has manifested Himself with 
such clearness as my loving and all-glorious 
Redeemer, that my heart seemed more than 
ever affected with the riches of His grace. I 
know not that it is possible to see my title 
more clearly to plead the merits of His death 
for my justification and salvation. I felt that 
my prayer, by the sure promise of God, was 
accepted. Penitence and joy were commin- 
gled. Weakness was made strong. Poverty 
was made rich. The love of Christ shone as 
a sun of glory. It seemed an immensity that 
no created mind can comprehend. I now feel 



SEEKING AND FINDING. 



47 



the influence of powerful motives to strive for 
a closer walk with God, motives felt in heaven. 
I had also much feeling, desire, and trust, in 
praying for the people of God throughout our 
country and the Christian world, and for the 
conversion of impenitent sinners. The ardent 
and increasing desire, which God has of late 
given me, for such a work of grace, excites 
the hope that He is again leading His people, 
in many places, to pray effectually for the 
same blessing, because of His merciful pur- 
pose to save. 

God a Father. 

The thought that unusually impressed me 

to-day, was the common one, that God is my 

~ Father. For inscrutable reasons 

Dec. 13. 

founded in His mercy, this title 
expresses truly His care and His goodness 
toward me. As I dwelt upon His loving- 
kindness in meditation and prayer, my views 
became almost enrapturing. I gave expres- 
sion to my feelings thus : " The eternal God ; 
the infinite God ; the Creator of worlds ; the 
Sovereign ruler of the universe, is my Father." 
I contrasted His deeds and His purposes of 
mercy, with my nothingness and guilt. The 
words of the Apostle John express the nature 
of my amazement and emotions, on this oc- 



48 SEEKING AND FINDING. 

casion. " Behold, what manner of love the 
Father hath bestowed upon us, that we should 
be called the sons of God ! " 

I now perceive the wisdom and love of 
Christ, more fully than ever before, in teach- 
ing His disciples to address God in prayer, by 
the title, " Our Father." How adapted to in- 
spire heart-felt gratitude and trust. 

God sought and found in His Spiritual presence. 

I sought for a spiritual sense of God's pres- 
ence. Having often failed to obtain this bless- 
ing, from having only general 
views of His perfections, I now 
endeavored to set Him before me, in the acts 
of His goodness. My reflections, in substance, 
were these. " God, who has always sustained 
me in life, is here. He who has fed me, 
clothed me, and given me all my earthly com- 
forts, is here, as my present benefactor. He 
who had mercy upon me in my lost state, and 
who gave me a heart to love Him, and to re- 
ceive Christ as my Saviour, is here to keep 
me from falling. He who has made so many 
promises in His Word, and who has so often 
filled me with comfort by them, is still here 
to strengthen me for every conflict, and to 
confirm my hope. He who will raise me 
from the dead, and cause this mortal to put 



SEEKING AND FINDING. 



49 



on immortality, and give me a crown of glory, 
is here." 

After these reflections, I enjoyed special 
nearness to God in prayer. This exercise has 
led me to feel the importance of setting God 
before me in His beneficent acts. 

Eternal life now begun. 

I am impressed with the thought that the 
eternity of my spiritual life has already be- 
gun. Though it is a very im- 
perfect life, and sickly now, the 
promise of God insures its endless continuance, 
and in another world, its perfection. For His 
covenant engagement relates to His people 
in both worlds. Therefore, I have no more 
reason than the Saints in glory have, to doubt 
the words of Christ : " I give unto them 
eternal life." I have only to ascertain that I 
love God and Jesus Christ, in order to know 
that I shall forever love them. If I love God 
for what He is in Himself, this is that love 
that " never faileth." My happiness in this 
love should not make me fear that it may 
have a selfish origin. For I ought to find my 
highest happiness in it. It honors Christ to 
be happy in Him. " I will therefore freely re- 
joice in the Lord, and joy in the God of my 
salvation." I am confident that such is habit- 
3 



^0 SEEKING AND FINDING. 

ually the nature of my highest happiness. I 
am, indeed, daily conscious of sin. But my 
repentance of it, and self-loathing in view of 
it, and longing to be delivered from it, con- 
vinces me that sin is not the controlling ele- 
ment of my moral being. " Thanks be to God 
who giveth us the victory." 

The hidden manna. 
Rev. ii. 17: " To him that overcometh will 
I give to eat of the hidden manna." 

My efforts to overcome my 
Dec. 27. • • , . , 

spiritual enemies are greatly en- 
couraging. The more faithfully I engage in 
this conflict, the nearer is my communion 
with God, and the more precious are my views 
of Christ. This feast is hidden from the 
world, and can not be known even by a fellow- 
Christian, except through personal experience. 
My beloved Redeemer gives me to eat daily 
of this manna. His kindness fills me with 
love. I desire to honor Him unceasingly, and 
long to see Him honored by all His people, 
and by a world of sinners, who know Him 
not ; and who " see no beauty in Him that 
they should desire Him." 

Self- dying — God supreme. 
Everything besides God seemed as nothing. 
Even the saints and angels in heaven seemed 



SEEKING AND FINDING. ,7 51 

as nothing, except as His workmanship ; they 
reflect His glory and show forth 
His praise. The same also 
seemed true of all His works, whether material 
or immaterial ; whether worlds or atoms. All 
were worthless and vain, except as God is 
seen in them. 

This annihilating view of myself and of all 
creatures, only increased my happiness ; be- 
cause there was nothing to obscure my per- 
ception of God. I thought of the praises of 
the heavenly host, as the natural result of 
their clear spiritual vision and perfect love, 
and that their exceeding joy and worship were 
inseparably blended. My own view of God 
at this time was so clear, so exalted, so tran- 
scending that it appeared to me it was in its 
nature, though not in degree, like that of the 
redeemed above. There was nothing in it 
like excitement or passion. The effect also, 
was deep, calm, solid happiness ; flowing di- 
rectly from God to my soul. It is all of grace ; 
rich abounding grace ; and to Him be all the 
glory. 

Progress in Christian experience. 

For some weeks past I have perceived in 

myself a change, which I hope is indicative of 

^ progress in Christian experience. 

Jan. T3, 1859- K - * ., . ., *\ 

1 find that the power of every 



52 SEEKING AND FINDING. 

temptation becomes weaker. My spiritual 
enemies assail me less frequently; and when 
they make an attack, they more readily leave 
the ground. In meditation and prayer, my 
access to God is more direct, immediate, and 
uniform. My daily seasons of communion 
with Him are almost constantly seasons of re- 
newed joy in fresh perceptions of His holiness, 
His truth, and the riches of His grace in 
Christ. My purpose to live for God is increas- 
ingly a strong and pleasurable purpose. I 
think of His requirements with delight ; so 
reasonable do they seem, and so distinctly con- 
nected with His glory, which I love, and which 
I regard as the great source of my happiness. 
I am daily sensible that the corruption of my 
nature is not extinct, and, therefore, that con- 
tinual watchfulness and prayer are indispensa- 
ble to my spiritual progress and communion 
with God. Hence, to keep my heart with 
diligence is my one great care ; for I know 
this is the way of peace, and that spiritual 
sloth would at once bring me into darkness. 

The Gospel a system of love. 

For many days past I have enjoyed much 

satisfaction in reflecting on the Gospel as a 

system of Divine love. The Gos- 

February 14. 

pel directs me as a believer in 



SEEKING AND FINDING. 



53 



Christ to consider my sins, however numerous 
and aggravated, and however odious they 
may justly seem to me, as being wholly for- 
given by my Redeemer, " Who was made sin 
for us." Consequently, it is both my duty 
and privilege to dismiss all fear of God's dis- 
pleasure, being assured that He as my recon- 
ciled Father, will never cease to'love me if I 
am united to Christ in that covenant which is 
everlasting. Hence, He can never have any 
purpose toward me which is contrary to that 
of kindness and mercy. How precious is the 
truth that I have not to wait till I am person- 
ally free from sin, and perfected in holiness, 
before God will be perfectly reconciled to me. 
He is as fully reconciled to me now as He will 
be in the world to come. I have, to-day, a 
very impressive sense of the change which the 
mercy of God has made in my condition. I 
long to cease from sin, and long to glorify 
God as He would have me, for the riches of 
His grace. 

Right views of the world. 

I have omitted for more than a year to re- 
cord any of my exercises, for the reason that 
in their general character they 

May 25, i860. • . -, , , . f 

have been similar to those which 
have been recorded. My rejoicing in God has 



54 SEEKING AND FINDING. 

often been unspeakable, and my desire to love, 
praise, and honor Him has seemed far to ex- 
ceed my capacities. I have been trying to 
get right views of this present world. The 
world is in reality just as God views it. He 
teaches me that its relation to eternity is that 
alone which gives it any real importance ; that 
aside from this, its highest good is vanity — a 
shadow that passeth away. I am, therefore, 
to regard it simply as a place of preparation 
for an eternal state of being. If the intrinsic 
excellence of this world were as great as im- 
agination could conceive, my stay here is but 
a moment compared with the duration of my 
existence in the world to come, where Jesus 
is, and where my treasure is. What folly then 
to desire to linger on the stepping-stone, hop- 
ing that the chariot of salvation that shall take 
me to glory may be long in coming. The 
time when I would depart is that hour, that 
moment when the Lord shall call. For He 
will call me at that time which His loving- 
kindness has appointed. From that day I 
shall sin no more, and never cease to enjoy 
the presence of my Redeemer and my God. 

The intercession of Christ. 

This my birth-day has been distinguished 
by clear and animating views of the interces- 



SEEKING AND FINDING. 



55 



sion of Christ. I have long regarded it as a 
_ „ truth of great interest, that 

June 16. °, ' 

Christ is still engaged in His re- 
deeming work, in the same spirit of love that 
brought Him down from heaven ; and that 
He will carry it forward till it shall result in 
a kingdom of glory, to abide forever. To- 
day, however, His intercession has been the 
special subject of my thoughts. I have en- 
joyed the sweet assurance, that if I truly pray, 
Christ intercedes with the Father for the very 
things for which I pray. Because real prayer 
is always dictated by the Holy Spirit. It 
greatly strengthens my confidence to know 
that Christ himself, at the same time, and on 
the same ground, intercedes forme, as my Me- 
diator, my Divine Head, my Saviour. Enjoy- 
ing this animating belief, I have felt a motive 
and encouragement to pray, which I have 
never before so fully experienced. The joy- 
ful confidence that God will hear me, is au- 
thorized by His own Word, which assures 
me that Christ " is able to save them to the 
uttermost that come unto God by Him, see- 
ing He ever liveth to make intercession for 
them." 

Encouragement to the weak in faith. 
I have felt most of the day, an unfitness 
(partly, I think, of a physical nature) for any 



56 SEEKING AND FINDING. 

decided spiritual affectionr. This has led me 
to the conclusion that different 
kinds of spiritual affections are 
to be sought and cherished in different states 
of the bodily and mental powers. When 
these are comparatively low ; then submission 
to the will of God ; quiet trust ; poverty of 
spirit ; a sense of dependence, hungering and 
thirsting after righteousness, will be more suc- 
cessfully sought, than clear and exalted per- 
ceptions of God, and of His love in Christ 
Jesus. Besides, any one of the humble graces 
leads directly to those that exalt the soul; and 
fill the heart with love and joy. Such has 
been my experience this afternoon, connect- 
ed with this process of reflection and effort. 

Heaven nea?' y not distant. 

For a few days past I have sought in a 
special manner to have my mind impressed 
with the presence of God ; know- 
ing that His constant presence 
is a great reality. And thus it seemed on 
the Sabbath, two days since. But, it has 
seemed so this morning, in a more spirit- 
ual and delightful sense. I was comparing 
the privileges of earth with those of heaven, 
and rejoiced in the thought that what- 
ever is most essential to the joy of heaven, 



SEEKING AND FINDING. 



57 



may be enjoyed on earth. For God is here 
in all His perfections, in the persons of the 
Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. I was enabled 
so to realize this, and had such perceptions of 
the Divine presence and glory, that I enjoyed 
in some degree the very happiness of heaven. 
I loved God, and rejoiced in Him, and gave 
Him thanks for what He is, and what He has 
done, and will do, according to His Word. I 
desire no greater joy in the world to come 
than the same joy perfected and increased. 

In further comparing the privileges of earth 
with those of heaven ; earth is the place 
where the gift of God's Only Begotten Son 
was bestowed as a sacrifice for sin. Here was 
His example as a man ; here was His humilia- 
tion ; here was His death. How adapted to 
affect my heart, that His precious blood was 
shed for me, not in a distant world ; but in a 
place so near that a few days' travel would 
bring me to it. It was shed, too, by crea- 
tures of my race, having flesh and blood as I 
have, and like passions with myself. It is not 
a distant heaven, but unbelief that is the 
great preventive of spiritual light, and com- 
munion with God. I also know by experience, 
as well as by Divine promise, that " He that 
seeketh findeth, and to Him that knocketh, 
it shall be opened." I am resolved, therefore, 
3* 



58 SEEKING AND FINDING. 

to believe God, and in every need I will seek 
His face. 

The social principle realized betwee?i God and 
His Children. 

In reflecting on the intercourse which God 
in His wonderful goodness has established 

between Himself and His peo- 
July 4. , ! . 1 1 r 

pie, my heart is unusually af- 
fected. 

The idea that the social principle bestowed 
on man for beneficent ends, in the present 
life, should be adopted by the great God, in a 
most endearing and condescending manner, in 
the intercourse between Him and those who 
love Him, fills my mind with admiration. 

If I were permitted to approach Him only 
with the profoundest awe and veneration, it 
would be an unspeakable privilege. But, I 
am filled with sweet astonishment, when I 
consider that He encourages me to come to 
Him in the spirit of a child ; to call Him 
Father, and freely to speak to Him, as often 
as I desire, and ask Him for all things need- 
ful and best for me in this life, and also in the 
life to come, with His own assurance that I 
may trust in Him as the hearer of prayer; 
then I am filled with comfort ; then I am 
ready to exclaim : " What a Father is God " ! 



SEEKING AND FINDING. 59 

What a Brother is Christ, through whom I 
am adopted, forgiven, and treated with all the 
gentleness, kindness, and freedom that dis- 
tinguishes a Father's love. But, bless the 
Lord, O my soul ; intercourse with thy God 
has only now a feeble beginning. It will con- 
tinue forever in thanksgiving and praises, and 
in unknown endearment. 



The laivs of mind to be regarded in spiritual 
meditation. 

I am convinced that I have too much disre- 
garded the laws of mind in spiritual medita- 
tions. I have been reminded of 
l this to-day. I tried to have my 

heart directly affected with the precious bless- 
ing, that Christ is my righteousness and 
strength. But, it was unmoved till I thought 
of the immediate cause of this blessing, which 
is my union to Him. Then I saw that being 
united to Christ as one of His members, the 
consequence, though so wonderful, is a natural 
one, that His strength should be mine, and 
His righteousness mine. Now, I had light, 
peace, yea, joy unspeakable. My soul feasted 
on the provision made for a lost sinner. I 
trust I may become more wise in the osder of 
my reflections. For example, if I would sue- 



60 SEEKING AND FINDING 

cessfully seek the Lord > I must dwell on His 
perfections ; on the riches of His mercy and 
His promises. If I would hunger and thirst 
after righteousness, I must think of the pollu- 
tion of sin, of its consequences, and of the 
beauty of holiness. And all other truths and 
duties, the excellence of which, I desire to 
see and feel, I must contemplate in connec- 
tion with other related truths and duties 
which shed light upon them. 

How to obtain the spirit of prayer. 

In further reflecting on prayer, it seems a 
certainty that no one will, or can truly pray, 
without efficient help from God. 
j-uy 9. This j s known to God. And 
since it is His great love to His people that 
permits and requires them to make known 
their wants and desires by prayer, and since 
He delights, as their Father, to have inter- 
course with them as His sons and daughters, 
it is certain that His love disposes Him to 
help them to pray. Christ directly assures us 
of this, by declaring that He will give the 
Holy Spirit most freely "To them that ask 
Him." But, how shall they ask aright? The 
answer is obvious. They are regenerated per- 
sons. And already, the Holy Spirit in some 



SEEKING AND FINDING. 6 1 

degree dwells in them. Therefore, they have 
only to improve the light and grace which 
they have, and they shall have more abun- 
dantly ; so that any Christian who has not a 
spirit of prayer, may attain it. But how shall 
he attain it, even with this advantage, when 
his mind is dark, and his affections cold? 
How shall he begin? How shallhe proceed? 
Let him set God before him. Let him dwell 
on His perfections ; especially, His infinite 
love, and muse till the fire burns ; and it will 
burn, if there be watchfulness and persever- 
ance. A view of God's love will awaken love ; 
and love is the chief element in prayer. 
Whenever I am sensible of ardent love to 
God, I can pray. Then, I can pray truly for 
spiritual light and holiness, because I delight 
to do the will of the God I love. Then I am 
sorry for sin, and can pray to be delivered 
from it, because it is opposed to the will of 
God whom I love. I can then realize the 
value of redemption by Christ, and the 
efficacy of prayer through Him. My experi- 
ence fully testifies to the value and truthful- 
ness of the kind assurance of Christ : " He 
that seeketh findeth ; and to him that knock- 
eth, it shall be opened." 



62 SEEKING AND FINDING. 

God worthy of all possible honor and glory. 

As I was reflecting on the perfections of 
God, and desiring that His name might be 
more honored in the world, a 
person present suddenly arrested 
my attention to another matter, informing 
me that a public demonstration of special re- 
spect to a particular friend of mine was in 
contemplation. For a few moments my 
thoughts were occupied with the gratifying 
information ; but soon I thought, how much 
more interest ought I to feel in the honor due 
to God. How worthy is He of all possible 
honor and glory. And how ought I to rejoice 
that the great God whom I love is, and for- 
ever will be, honored and glorified ; and that 
Christ, the blessed Mediator, who gave Him- 
self for the world, and endured the death of 
the cross, will receive in union with the Father 
and Holy Spirit, all possible honor and glory 
forever. In hopeful anticipation of being one 
of Their worshippers, my heart was over- 
whelmed with joy, and, I trust, with a true 
spirit of praise. 

God 's knowledge of our sins no barrier to His 
mercy. 
In reading the declaration of God concern- 
ing His knowledge of Jeremiah, in the first 



SEEKING AND FINDING. 63 

verses of the book of His prophecy, the 
_ , ", thought forcibly occurred : God 
has always known me perfectly. 
In all His silence toward me, He has seen all 
my sins, my vanity of mind, selfishness, pride, 
vain imaginations from my childhood to the 
present moment. Since I professed religion 
He has seen all my unfaithfulness, all my 
abuse of light and privilege. The thought of 
His forbearance deeply affected me. His 
goodness, especially for the last few years, in 
giving me frequent and precious manifesta- 
tions of His beauty and glory; in showing me 
the exceeding riches of His grace in Christ ; 
in giving me the spirit of adoption, that I 
might trustfully and lovingly call Him Father ; 
in giving me so frequently rich foretastes of 
heavenly happiness, altogether overwhelmed 
me with feeling and astonishment. It seemed 
wonderful, indeed, that such long patience, 
such care, such love, such purposes of mercy 
and goodness could exist in the heart of the 
great and holy God. O, what obligation I 
felt ; what penitent melting, commingled with 
love ; what ardent desires to sin no more 
against such a God, such a Redeemer. 



64 SEEKING AND FINDING. 

The doctrine of Justification a source of Chris- 
tian growth. 

I have reflected this morning with much in- 
terest and comfort on the mercy of God in 
forgiveness and justification as 

August 2. & J 

direct means of growth in grace 
and spiritual joy. I considered it a Scriptural 
truth, and therefore unquestionable, that evi- 
dence of being regenerated is also evidence of 
forgiveness and justification ; and that both 
are as full and complete in the case of the 
weakest and most fallible Christian as in that 
of the strongest and most faithful. But, ad- 
mitting that I am a Christian, will not the full 
belief that I am forever forgiven and justified 
have a tendency in a low state of grace to 
make me slothful in my duty to God? Not 
the least ; but entirely the reverse. Such a 
belief in a hypocrite would quiet and embold- 
en him in sin. But, in a Christian, however 
weak, there is a holy principle that can be 
awakened by the goodness of God. His good- 
ness, if seen, leads the wandering Christian to 
repentance. It is more powerful than the 
world, and brings him back to God. But, 
what astonishing goodness is free forgiveness 
and entire justification, never on any provo- 
cation to be revoked. What amazing good- 



SEEKING AND FINDING 65 

ness do I perceive when I think of the sacri- 
fice on which it is based, and the eternal bless- 
edness consequent upon it. Thoughts of such 
forgiving and justifying grace dispelled a cloud 
that had come between my soul and God. 
For I believed my heart had been renewed. 
Consequently, I believed that all my sins were 
forgiven ; that God is entirely and unchange- 
ably reconciled to me, through the blood of 
Christ ; and being in Christ, I am justified, 
and shall remain justified in all changes of 
mind. This is a state on which I can rely by 
God's own covenant. 

A special visit of God to the soul. 

God has graciously visited my soul this 
morning. I will attempt to express the state 
of my mind as affected by the 
light and love which He has 
shed down upon me. But, I am at a loss for 
language to represent my conceptions of the 
riches of His goodness. His love, as manifest- 
ed in Christ, appears so vast I can only say it 
is like Himself : " Past finding out." It is im- 
mensity, infinity. In contemplating it I am 
lost in admiration and astonishment. Yet, 
great as it seems, my conception of it is only 
a spark from its infinite magnitude and glory. 



66 SEEKING AND FINDING. 

With such impressions I dwelt with love and 
delight (such as nothing beside in the universe 
could give) on the goodness of God to poor, 
lost sinners, that they might be saved from 
sin and death ; and not merely saved, but ex- 
alted to great happiness and glory. Loving 
His redeemed people as He does for their 
union to Christ and their purification by His 
blood, He will withhold no good thing from 
them within the compass even of His omnip- 
otence to bestow. Christ also unites with 
His Father in blessing them ; declaring it to 
be His will that they shall be with Him, and 
behold His glory, and even share it with Him 
as their own possession ; saying to His Father, 
" The glory which Thou gavest me I have 
given them." O, my covenant God, such love 
constraineth me. I give myself to Thee. But, 
without Thee I can do nothing. O, keep me, 
I beseech Thee ; keep me in Thy love. 



Readiness to meet Christ. 

After reading the warning of Christ, " Be 

ye also ready, for in such an hour as ye think 

not, the Son of Man cometh," 

A wist \ I asked myself, " Am I ready at 

this hour?" In answer, I may 

say, I do not now in a special manner feel the 



SEEKING AND FINDING. 



6 7 



presence of God, nor any distinguished com- 
fort. But, my trust is in Christ alone. And 
in view of the habitual state of my heart toward 
Him, I feel that I am ready. To Christ him- 
self the praise is due. If love always in emo- 
tional exercise were required, I could not 
have answered thus. But it is love habitually 
supreme in the will that constitutes a readi- 
ness to depart. The belief that I could at 
any time meet my Lord in peace, is founded 
not on that degree of devotedness which 
ought to distinguish my life, but on His prom- 
ises made to real love, though it be weak 
and very imperfect. I am conscious that I 
do love the blessed Redeemer of sinners, im- 
perfect as I am, more than any other object, 
or all other objects in the universe. And, I 
often feel that I can safely appeal to Him, as 
did fallible Peter, " Lord, Thou knowest that 
I love Thee." Let Thy grace sustain me still ; 
then, call me when Thou wilt. I shall hail 
Thy voice with gladness. 

The spirit committed to God for keeping. 

The privilege of daily committing my soul 
to God, as the Father of spirits, has of late 
employed my minpl with peculiar 
interest. I feel utterly incom- 
petent to so great a charge as that of being 



68 SEEKING AND FINDING. 

my own keeper. I lack wisdom, knowledge, 
power, besides that ardent love to God, and 
that sensibility to sin, which are so needful to 
resist every temptation, and to advance in 
holiness. Though I am commanded to keep 
myself in the love of God, yet the success of 
my efforts depends on His helping grace. I 
need His holy keeping in all I say, or think, 
or do. If He does not keep me, I can not 
keep myself. If I shall be sanctified by His 
truth, it will be by His Spirit. If I success- 
fully watch, it will be through His watchful 
care as my shepherd. If I come before Him 
with a heart that He has kept, I shall have 
sweet, yea, heavenly communion with Him. 
In every petition, confession, and ascription 
of praise, love will be the all-inspiring motive. 
I am resolved to commit my spirit more fre- 
quently to God. 

Conformity to the will of God the great good of 
life. 

In reviewing the years I have lived, I 

greatly deplore my unfaithfulness to God, and 

the loss I sustained for a long 

August ii. •ir, i 

period alter my conversion, by 
not duly regarding the true end of life. God 
did not appoint an earthly life for man, for 
its own sake. He designed it as the period 



SEEKING AND FINDING. 69 

in which the state of every human being for 
eternity should be determined. I trust I have 
in some measure thus regarded it. But, for a 
long time, my heart was too much attracted 
by temporal blessings, and consequently too 
faintly impressed with the weighty objects of 
revealed truth. Yet God, in His great mercy 
and patience, did not leave me. In later life, 
He caused the light to shine upon me in a 
wonderful manner, showing me my sins, and 
His own boundless love. I desire to record 
the deep feeling of my heart, as sustained by 
unchangeable truth, that the great good to 
be sought, and attained in this life, is con- 
formity to the will of God. And, by the help 
of God, this shall be my single object. This, 
too, is my chief joy. 



How to have more than an intellectual view of 
Christ. 

I have long ardently desired, as often as I 

think of Christ, that I may have more than 

an intellectual apprehension of 

August 15. TT . .. T , 

His excellence. I want my heart 
always to be affected with His beauty. It 
frequently is so. But I long for a uniformity 
of right, and happy feeling toward Him, 
whenever He is the object of my thoughts, 



70 SEEKING AND FINDING 

however brief at times may be their continu- 
ance. And, I believe this may be attained, 
if I remember always to think of Him in His 
great characteristic-love. Undoubtedly I have 
often failed to be impressed at once with His 
Divine excellence, because I meditated first 
on His acts resulting from His love, instead 
of fixing my mind on His character as love 
itself, and then dwelling on the illustrations 
of it in His beneficent acts and teaching. 
And, certainly, my mind needs not constantly 
to be reconfirmed by referring to its proofs. 
It will ordinarily be sufficient to think of Him 
as the embodiment of love ; love ever with 
me in exercise toward me ; infinite, unchange- 
able love. Here I may find abiding peace — 
spiritual refreshment ever at hand. I am re- 
solved, therefore, to cherish the thought, that 
Christ is love. 

Danger of self-reliance. 

I have felt the importance of honoring 
Christ with an entire trust in Him for salva- 
tion, without the least semblance 

September^- , . . . ,. 

of relying on my own works. It 
is needful to guard against a seeming depend- 
ence on Christ, which is really a dependence 
on self. I am in danger, by a reflex act of the 
mind, of depending in some degree on my af- 



SEEKING AND FINDING. j\ 

fections toward Him for my justification ; that 
is, I am exposed, contrary to my knowledge 
of the way of life, to trust in my trust, or rely 
on my reliance. I delight to give Christ all 
the glory of my redemption. And may that 
comforting evidence which faith and love af- 
ford me never be allowed to take the place of 
Christ. 

The unchanging love of God. 

" I am the Lord, I change not." 
This Scripture has afforded me, this morn- 
ing, pleasing- and profitable en- 

September 7. & ' r & v 

tertainment. Whenever God has 
manifested, or shall hereafter manifest His 
love, it is certain that His love ever was and 
ever will be the same. The love of God mani- 
fested in the birth of Christ, the Saviour of 
the world, or the love of Christ when He act- 
ually bore our sins on the Cross, or when He 
rose from the dead and ascended to heaven, 
was the same love from eternity, is now the 
same, and forever will be. There will be no 
increase of Divine love, when, according to 
promise, Christ shall descend from heaven to 
raise His people from their graves to life and 
glory everlasting. This same love is now in 
His heart for every member of His spiritual 
body. There is, indeed, the same love now 



j2 SEEKING AND FINDING. 

in the heart of Christ that will ever be mani. 
fested and enjoyed in the ages of eternity. 

This delightful exercise of faith, so fully 
warranted by revealed truth, is the same in 
substance that often gives me peace in the 
remaining few steps of my pilgrimage. Glori- 
ous truth : that God the Father, God the Son, 
and God the Holy Ghost, one in essence, are 
unchangeable in love and in glory, now and 
forever. 

Personal experience not a qualification for 
heaven. 

Of late, as often as my thoughts are directed 

to heaven, I think much less than formerly of 

my own personal experience as 

September 24. ' r 

a qualification lor heaven. Ine 
resemblance which my life as a Christian bears 
to that holy world appears too small to ex- 
cite animated expectations. But, as soon as I 
look to Christ and realize that He is my right- 
eousness, I am conscious of such a glow of 
love and gratitude as I trust accords with the 
spirit of the saints in glory when they ascribe 
their redemption to His blood. This at once 
increases my evidence of adoption, and gives 
me assurance of heavenly blessedness. It is 
my desire and purpose, as often as I think of 
heaven as my eternal home, to think also of 



SEEKING AND FINDING. 73 

Christ as my righteousness and strength, in 
whom I have exalted holiness and infinite 
strength to uphold me. 

Longing after holiness. 

Had a season of sincere and very earnest 

prayer for personal conformity to the will of 

, God, comprising purity of heart, 
September 26. ' ^ e V. r 

love to the glory of God, free- 
dom from all pride and every species of self- 
ishness. Holiness appeared unspeakably 
lovely. I longed intensely for it in its purity. 
My hatred of sin, because of its moral vileness 
and opposition to God, was equally strong. I 
believe that God saw I hated sin for its vile- 
ness, and loved holiness for its purity, without 
regard to their beneficent results to myself 
and others. For, at this time, the perfections 
of God and His most righteous claims almost 
entirely absorbed my mind and heart. 

The will of God and His presence, sources of joy. 

Two important subjects have in succession 
occupied my mind. The first was the will of 
God. Day after day I reflected 
on the excellence of God's will ; 
it being the result of infinite knowledge, wis- 
dom, holiness, and goodness, connected with 
4 



74 



SEEKING AND FINDING. 



Almighty power to secure its execution. 
Hence, it seemed worthy of all conceivable 
confidence and joyfulness, whatever mysteries 
may attend it. " Thy will be done," was often 
on my lips and in my heart. I rejoiced that 
such a will governs ; that it is above all, and 
over all ; controlling wicked men and devils ; 
promoting the cause of holiness, and securing 
to the universe the greatest possible good. 

The other subject is a sense of God's pres- 
ence. For two days past, I have been much 
impressed with David's practice, who said : " I 
have set the Lord always before me." By 
such a practice, watchfulness will be effectual ; 
prayer will be ^earnest and confiding ; peni- 
tence will be deep ; faith, trust, and every 
Christian grace will flourish ; while freshness 
will be imparted to all the teaching of inspira- 
tion. In prayer this morning, I felt that I 
was speaking to a present God. Love, peni- 
tence, thankfulness, and praise were sweetly 
blended. The words " Thy will be done," and 
" Glory to God in the highest," best express 
the feelings of my heart on this favored oc- 
casion. 

In Christ. 

One morning last week, I felt an unusual 
distrust respecting myself, as to every effort I 



SEEKING AND FINDING. 75 

could make to keep myself in the love of God, 
and escape the numerous and 

Dec 12. . . . T . . 

subtle snares of sin. In this 
disturbed and unsatisfied state, I thought of 
that admirable teaching of Jesus : " He that 
abideth in Me and I in him, the same bring- 
eth forth much fruit ; for without Me ye can 
do nothing." I then repaired immediately to 
Christ, feeling, if not saying : " I am in Christ 
— safe in Him. Here I have all I need. He 
will keep me ; teach me ; guide me. His wis- 
dom, power, and goodness will do all things 
for me." Thus I had light and peace. The 
result thus far has been a more constant pur- 
pose to think of myself habitually, as in 
Christ ; convinced as I am, that He should be 
the happy home of a sinner whom He has re- 
deemed. 

The very thought of being in Christ is 
powerful with the heart, to keep it stayed on 
Him. It promotes humility, thankfulness, 
and joy. It sweetly urges to the practice of 
every duty to God and men ; and awakens the 
assurance that every promise of mercy in the 
Word of God will be fulfilled. 

Unzvave ring faith in the Word of God. 

Though I have not allowed my own reason- 
ings to prevail against any Divine teaching, 



y6 SEEKING AND FINDING. 

however mysterious; yet I am sensible that 
by transient thoughts, origi- 

Jan. 3, 1861. . . , ,. ,' x 1 r 

nating in unbelief, 1 have often 
weakened the power of motive presented in 
God's truth. But, it has long been my deter- 
mination to receive the whole of revealed 
truth, according to its manifest import ; be- 
lieving that to the unsearchable mind of God 
it is in all respects most holy, wise, and good. 
To-day my duty in this respect is strongly 
felt. I adopt the fundamental principle, that 
God is holy in all His ways, and righteous in 
all His works. Therefore whatever He de- 
clares to be sin, I will believe it is sin. And 
what He reveals as the just punishment of 
sin, I will believe it is just. Consequently, 
wherein His decision makes me guilty and 
without excuse, I will consider myself guilty 
and without excuse. This view of God and 
of myself seemed to prepare my heart to ap- 
preciate the greatness of His mercy and re- 
deeming love. I earnestly desired to be wholly 
consecrated to Him, and to honor Him at all 
times, and in all things. 

Worthiness in God the basis of moral obliga- 
tion. 

Reason, as well as religion, demands that 
God and creatures should be regarded accord- 



SEEKING AND FINDING. jj 

ing to their worthiness and importance. Con- 
sequently, the claims of God 

December 31. 

are supreme, and surpass our 
full conception. Creatures have a relative 
merit as compared with each other, but none 
as compared with God. For the finite bears 
no comparison with the infinite. Therefore, 
creatures compared with God become almost 
as nothing by their insignificance. God, in 
the immensity of His greatness and moral 
glory, is, as it were, alone in the universe. 
Hence, in my meditations, it seems that there 
is almost nothing in existence but God. Then 
it becomes easy to lose sight of myself and of 
all creatures, and to love Him and adore Him. 
Then I have no heart for anything but God. 
And on such occasions I indulge the thought 
that I have some true, though very inadequate 
conception of the joyous and exalted views of 
heavenly worshippers as they praise the Lord. 
When I turn my mind from such a view, and 
think of my ordinary state, I deplore the 
mournful fact that the portion of time is so 
small in which my spiritual perceptions are 
clear and enlarged, and my love for the ador- 
able God strongly exercised. 



;8 SEEKING AND FINDING. 

How to read the Bible for private devotion. 

I am convinced that I have adopted of late 

the best method, at least for myself, of read- 

^ nr ine the Scriptures as a prepara- 

Jan. 12, 1862. s v r \ 

tion for secret prayer. After 

reading one or more chapters I select some 

one important passage or expression, perhaps 

only a single clause of a verse, and make that 

a distinct subject of thought for personal, 

practical benefit. I adopt this method because 

the mind in a quiescent state is incapable of 

being strongly and profitably impressed with 

several truths at the same time, however great 

their importance. But when one important 

truth, duty, or promise is already perceived 

and felt, it leads the soul into a large field of 

light and beauty, where it feasts on spiritual 

good in rich variety. In privately reading the 

first ten verses of 1 John, 3d chapter, which 

commences with the words, " Behold what 

manner of love the Father hath bestowed 

upon us," the love of God was abundantly 

shed abroad in my heart. It seemed to be as 

immense and as incomprehensible as God 

himself. It is blessed to feast my mind and 

heart upon it, as I have this morning; first in 

contemplation, then in prayer. 



SEEKING AND FINDING. 



79 



Prayer for light and love answered. 

In calling upon the name of Christ for light 
and love, His loveliness and the riches of His 
grace exceeded, as I think, any previous con- 
ceptions. My thoughts were directed partic- 
ularly to that spiritual union to Him, repre- 
sented by Himself : " I in you, and ye in Me." 
I never before felt so strong in the Lord. My 
Almighty Saviour was with me as my guide, 
protector, and friend, and I had nothing to 
fear. He was my heart's desire ; myall in all 
for Time and Eternity. I longed exceedingly 
to cease from sinning against such goodness, 
and evermore to glorify my Redeemer and my 
God. I am strengthened in the belief that 
the simple truth of God must ever be the 
great instrumentality of growing in grace and 
ripening for heaven. " Search the Scriptures." 

God, the immediate cause of religious affections. 

This morning, God has shown me that He 

is the direct and immediate cause of every 

spiritual exercise ; that though 
Dec. 18. / • r , r 

1 am conscious ol the tree exer- 
cise of my own mind, in all spiritual affections, 
as love, gratitude, penitence, and a spirit of 
praise, yet all is directly from Him. These 
are " the fruit of the Spirit." " For, it is God 



80 SEEKING AND FINDING. 

that worketh in us, according to His good 
pleasure." I was forcibly impressed with this 
truth, as I hoped to find ready access to God, 
because it was thus with me yesterday. But 
this morning some hours elapsed, before seek- 
ing resulted in finding ; and when at length 
God manifested Himself, I was taught the 
salutary lesson which ought never to have 
been forgotten, that all my sufficiency is of 
God. It became evident, that I had need of 
this discipline. It seemed now a reality that 
God was with me, caring for me, loving me, 
and blessing me with His presence. My heart 
was filled with admiration and a spirit of 
praise. The infinite excellence of the will of 
God shined as a light from heaven, causing 
a precious repose of soul. My desire was ex- 
ceedingly strong that His will might every- 
where prevail, and everywhere be done. 

The will of God. 

The subject of my meditation was the will 

of God. His will appeared so wise and holy, 

that it was a most satisfying 

Jan. 30, 1863. . t T 

resting-place. In examining my 
heart in relation to the will of God, it seemed 
very important to distinguish between desire 
and submission, that I may avoid perplexity 



SEEKING AND FINDING. %\ 

concerning the latter. If I strongly desire 
that which is desirable in its nature, yet am 
submissive to the will of God respecting its 
bestowment, I am still in harmony with His 
will. The example of Christ in the garden 
of Gethsemane sustains this sentiment. In 
His great agony, He prayed that if possible, 
the dreadful cup presented to .Him might 
pass from Him ; yet the will of His Father 
was stronger in its influence than His desire 
as a man. 

There was indeed no special trial to test 
my submission. But God's will appeared so 
divinely excellent, that I desired to be in His 
hands, and chose most cordially that His will 
concerning me, whatever it might be, should 
be done. Great was my peace in reflecting 
that His will does prevail, and will forever 
prevail. 

Review of life. 

I reviewed my life, at first in a general man- 
ner ; then, more particularly ; by which means 

my peace was interrupted. But 
Feb. 17, 1864. . , , - . t u A 

by looking unto Jesus, had great 

comfort. His grace and fullness for my sal- 
vation, magnified to my view, till I seemed 
to enjoy to the extent of my capacity, the in- 
finitude of His love, wisdom, righteousness, and 

4* 



82 SEEKING AND FINDING. 

strength, all pledged for my complete and 
eternal salvation. I felt that He would keep 
me in this world, amidst all dangers, and pre- 
sent me at last before His Father, as purified 
and faultless through His blood. I seemed 
to be in the very being of the unchangeable 
Saviour, as my home, and thus at peace for- 
ever with God. For some time previous to 
this, I had enjoyed much satisfaction in giv- 
ing up myself and everything to Christ. I 
had also been more frequent in mental peti- 
tions for myself, for individuals, for the Church, 
and for the world ; and had realized more 
fully the presence of God and of Christ, as 
my God and Saviour. 

The commandments of God reasonable. 

All the commandments of God, and all His 

requirements are based on the highest reason. 

I will therefore often ask myself, 

May 5. tit 

does my reason testify that I am 
pleasing God ? If not, let me cease to be irra- 
tional, at any sacrifice, and return to my duty, 
and my greatest privilege, too. For surely my 
highest happiness will be found in doing the 
will of God, and thus enjoying His presence 
as my God, and my loving Father. I find 
special benefit in this rule of reason, in con- 
sidering the claims of Christ upon me. How 



SEEKING AND FINDING. 83 

reasonable that I should yield my heart to 
Christ in its utmost capacity of loving. Shall 
I believe that He died for me and rose again 
for me, and designs ere long to receive me to 
Himself, to become a joint-heir with Him to 
a glorious and eternal inheritance, and yet not 
yield to the demand of reason ? Should I not 
ardently love such a friend ? Would it not 
seem irrational, if the saints in heaven who are 
with Christ, and ever realizing His excellence 
and love, should become remiss in their at- 
tachment and praise? And as I hope to be 
with them and to unite with them in love, 
thanksgiving, and praise, such a hope should 
urge me now to a more entire consecration to 
Him who bought me with His blood, that I 
might share in such blessedness. 



Christian pantheism : God in everything. 

I have lately put the question to myself, 

how shall I be made more habitually sensible 

of the presence and perfections 

Jan. 30, 1868. / I 

of God ? I he thought soon oc- 
curred that His works and providences are al- 
ways present ; but I had often failed to asso- 
ciate them with a present God, though they 
were adapted to produce this effect. I have 
ascribed them too much to natural causes, or 



84 SEEKING AND FINDING. 

a happy concurrence of circumstances, rather 
than to the first great Cause of all those causes. 
Yet, God has fully taught me in His Word 
that He is present in all objects that I see, 
and in all events that transpire in the world. 
He would therefore have His presence become 
as familiar as my natural vision, since He 
assures me that He causeth His sun to rise up- 
on the evil and upon the good ; and sendeth 
His rain upon the just and upon the unjust. 
I may and should be reminded of His pres- 
ence in all things. 

Likeness to Christ. 

My petitions for myself and others were al- 
most exclusively that we might be like Jesus. 
^ My thoughts had previously been 

January 25. l J 

directed to those teachings of 
Christ which relate to our being followers of 
Him ; abiding in Him, and possessing His 
Spirit ; in all of which it is implied that His 
people should aim to be like Him. By this 
means Christ was before my mind in great 
loveliness. And my prayer was that I might 
love God like Jesus; that I might do His will 
and be obedient like Jesus ; that I might be 
unselfish like Jesus ; and love the souls of 
men, and the children of God, and the king- 
dom of God like Jesus ; also that I might live 



SEEKING AND FINDING. 85 

above the world like Jesus, and pray like 
Jesus. In my supplication for Christians uni- 
versally, and for impenitent sinners, my earn- 
est prayer was, that they also might become 
like Jesus. With such an example before me, 
together with Scriptural teaching, and Scrip- 
tural encouragement, to aim to be like Jesus ; 
and also in view of the certaintythat all His 
people shall be ultimately like Him, in their 
personal purity and holiness, the exercise was 
one of deep feeling and fervent petition. 
Love to the dear name of Jesus led me often 
thus to repeat it. 

God reigning to bring good out of evil. 

In reflecting upon the sins and sufferings 
which abound in the world, great was my 

^ , consolation that there is a God 

July n. . . . 

reigning in righteousness, con- 
trolling and overruling all things according to 
His wisdom, and the greatest ultimate good. 
It is because the whole created universe is un- 
der His government, and because He can say 
effectually to every wicked being, " Hitherto 
shalt thou come and no farther," that I am at 
peace. In the assurance of God's perfections 
as universal Lord and Sovereign, I am entitled 
to the same kind of peace that fills His infi- 
nite heart. I felt, indeed, as a little child in 



86 SEEKING AND FINDING. 

His presence, yielding implicitly to His will, 
and satisfied that He should do all His pleas- 
ure. Thus the state of my mind was that of 
trust, quietness, and I hope of humility. 
Prayer was therefore a very free and peaceful 
exercise. In it I am brought to direct views of 
God, which I have found to be the best means 
of deadening the power of sinful allurements. 
Sin, as rebellion against God, is a profitable 
subject of thought, but not the forbidden 
pleasures of its fruit. The fall of Eve is an 
instructive example. 

The loveliness of God draws to consecration. 

God was immediately before my mind in 

His attractive loveliness, without the usual 

process of reflection upon His 

July 21. r . T , TT - 

perfections. In my love to Him 
I felt sweetly at rest, yet without special 
emotion. There seemed to be a quiet har- 
mony between God and my whole mind and 
heart. Consequently, without the least re- 
serve, I renewed my consecration to Him, 
feeling that His will was my will in all things. 
I think I was never before so sensible of an 
entire consecration, and of such decided feel- 
ing that I am not my own, but wholly the 
Lord's. Yet, experience teaches me as well 
as Divine truth, that I must not rely on past 



SEEKING AND FINDING. 87 

experience as any surety for the future ; but 
for this end Christ must abide in me, and 
the Holy Spirit must habitually enlighten, 
strengthen, and sanctify me. 

" Just as I am." 
I am inclined to express in substance what 
I have written before, viz., the duty and bene- 
fit of going to Christ " Just as I 
am," according to that beautiful 
hymn commencing with these words. I find this 
to be the most direct and speedy way of satis- 
fying the wants of the soul. If I would pray, 
but am conscious that I have no spirit of 
prayer, I must go to Christ with that want 
just as I am. If my dull heart is unaffected 
by spiritual truth, and reluctant to spiritual 
duty, the direct course to light and love is to 
present that want to Christ, just as I am. My 
experience this morning in such a case was 
most happy. Having no confidence in my 
own efforts, I went as I was, directly to Christ 
with all my needs, and my supply was given 
almost immediately, even to the fullness of 
my desire. I was in a field of blessedness 
that has no bounds. 

Rest in the righteous government of God. 
I reflected with much pleasure on the 
government of God over all creatures and all 



88 SEEKING AND FINDING. 

.worlds. Whether I thought of good or evil, 
of heaven, earth, or hell ; I found 
in God an ample source of rest 
and joy. I also reflected that the inhabitants 
of heaven are never disturbed by all they 
know about sin and misery under the Divine 
government ; for it is their privilege to know 
by seeing God that He is right, and holy and 
blessed, amidst all sin and misery that exist. 
And it is my privilege to believe what they so 
clearly see, and by faith to rejoice that the 
holy Lord God reigneth forever. Great was 
my joy that there is such a God to be loved 
and adored. Moreover, His mercy for a de- 
praved and self-ruined race appeared wonder- 
ful. So great the cost ! These impressions 
and reflections were followed with earnest pe- 
titions for revivals of religion, and for the 
blessing of God on the efforts of His people 
to publish the riches of His grace to a perish- 
ing world. 

The facts and realities of religion. 

As we are all influenced by facts and reali- 
ties pertaining to this temporal life, I feel the 
importance of being influenced 
' aright by the facts and realities 

pertaining to the life to come. It is a reality 
that there is a God of infinite perfection and 



SEEKING AND FINDING. 



8 9 



glory. It is a reality that He gave me being, 
and requires me to love and serve Him ac- 
cording to the faculties and means of knowl- 
edge which He has given me. It is a reality 
that He has given me His Word which fully 
establishes His perfections, with promises rich 
in mercy, comprising endless blessedness. It 
is a reality that wherever I am, God is there 
in all the perfections which saints and angels 
enjoy in heaven ; also that Christ as truly 
died for me, as though I had stood near Him 
in His sufferings, and there He had so assured 
me. It is a reality that I have only to love 
and serve Him, that heaven may be my end- 
less abode. 

let me live according to realities. Let 
me reflect, as I am able, on the difference be- 
tween time and eternity ; between the best 
that earth can afford in the longest life, and 
the blessedness of heaven for eternal ages. 
Thanks to a God of mercy that He has not 
left me to the pitiable choice of earthly 
riches, instead of eternal possessions in the 
heavenly world. My heart is filled with 
earnest desires that all who love the truth 
may be wise for eternity. 



go SEEKING AND FINDING. 

Prayer for great objects. 

This morning my heart was engaged in 

prayer ; but briefly for personal blessings and 

for family friends, and other in- 

June 27. ,. . . , _ _ 

dividuals. My petitions ex- 
tended toward ministers and churches of 
whom I had some knowledge in villages and 
cities. As important objects for prayer came 
before me in greater numbers, my desire in- 
creased for the extension of the Redeemer's 
kingdom. My thoughts ranged about from 
one missionary field to another, until the 
highest point of satisfaction was found in 
praying for the whole world and the universal 
reign of Christ. I felt, that hereafter I should 
pray much more for great objects. 

Heavenly fellozvship. 

As God is infinite in the extent of His 
being, I love to contemplate distinctly and 
_ , separately His love, His knowl- 

edge, His wisdom, His power, 
and indeed any truth He has revealed as hav- 
ing the same duration and reality of existence 
as Himself. I also reflected with delight that 
wherever the children of God are, there He is, 
caring for them individually in the smallest 
matters as well as the greatest of their trials, 



SEEKING AND FINDING. 



91 



and giving abundant and adequate promises. 
I was impressed with that magnitude of God's 
love to the saved, which will be forever mani- 
fest to them as they compare their state with 
that of the lost, having merited nothing, and 
being saved by sovereign grace only. Hence, 
deep humility will attend their praises, while 
their joy and love (and I trust my own) shall 
rise immeasurably high. 

The spirit of Adoption. 

I was specially impressed with the privilege 

of going to God as His child. This Scriptural 

^ , relation through Christ seemed 

July 19. b 

wonderful and endearing ; an all- 
sufficient source of confidence and trust. I 
have generally dwelt more on the goodness of 
God as my Father than on my privileges as 
His child. But the best effect on my heart is 
produced by dwelling equally on both sides of 
this Jieavenly relationship. I felt more im- 
pressively than ever my privileges as the child 
of such a Father. What security ! what hap- 
piness ! and what obligation to believe, to 
obey, to trust, and to love ! 

The solace of advancing age. 

This morning my mind has been much im- 
pressed with the thought that the benefit 



9 2 



SEEKING AND FINDING. 



which I may generally derive from earthly 
Christian fellowship, owing to 

July 27. V \. , & . 

age, must necessarily be in- 
creasingly limited. I therefore thought I 
would have recourse to heavenly company, 
and imbibe as much as possible their spirit, 
and thus be more in harmony with them. 
Though I have often contemplated their holy, 
happy state, I never before had such impres- 
sions of its benefits as means of grace. My 
mind and heart were among them, admiring 
their unity; their enlarged perceptions of God 
and Christ ; their love to each other ; and all 
resulting in unalloyed and exalted happiness. 
The scene left such an influence on my mind, 
and the journey from earth to heaven, and 
thence again to earth, can be so quickly per- 
formed that I resolved to be a more frequent 
visitor among them. 

Receptivity to Christ the condition of manifesta- 
tion. 

I have been exercising my mind in giving 

myself entirely away to God ; having no will 

of my own, except to abide in 

August 12. ' * . 

His all-perfect will, which secures 
to the universe the greatest conceivable good. 
I am confident that in this way much of 



SEEKING AND FINDING. 



93 



heaven may be enjoyed on earth. Another 
matter occurred to me of much interest. It 
was the importance of self-denial respecting 
thoughts that interrupt communion with God. 
Reflecting how Christ denied Himself in suf- 
fering for my sins, I felt that it was a most 
reasonable requirement on His part, and 
should be considered a light thing for me to 
deny myself for Him in wrong thoughts of 
the heart. Even the purpose to be more ob- 
servant of this hereafter was attended at once 
with abundant peace and joy : so ready is 
Christ to impart His blessing as soon as the 
heart is receptive. 

Living in the Will of God. 

The exercises of my mind this morning 
will, I humbly hope, be profitable to me the 
remaining portion of my earthly 
life. My first reflection was that 
the practice of true religion is a matter of en- 
tire simplicity ; being all comprehended in 
the one great principle of giving myself up 
habitually to the will of God. In doing this, 
a compliance with every specific duty will 
easily and naturally follow. The painfulness 
of self-denial, and fighting the good fight of 
faith, will be lessened. Watchfulness and a 



94 



SEEKING AND FINDING. 



spirit of prayer will be the natural result of 
loving the will of God, and constant nearness 
to Him will be secured. This leading exer- 
cise of living in the will of God, so commend- 
ed itself to my reason and heart, that I felt 
greatly animated by it, desiring to rest in it 
quietly and lovingly, whatever personal afflic- 
tions may be included in it. I thought I 
could adopt the language of Dr. Payson, " I 
have lost my will." I was very happy in the 
loss of it, and hope it will never return to me 
again, except in the form of God's will. Let 
me ever be able to say in peace and love, 
" Thy will be done." 

What is future will soon be present. 

I have reflected on the importance of re- 
membering that whatever is future will soon 
be present. The last day of my 
life will soon be present, and 
will be followed by the realities of the life to 
come. Therefore, let me live for the future, 
as well as for the present. " To the Chris- 
tian, death is eternity's birth-day," — the birth- 
day into eternal life. 

Finding God as one would have Him to be. 

I have had a feast of love and joy in think- 
ing of God. I began by asking myself what 



SEEKING AND FINDING. 



95 



I would have God to be, in order to love 

Him now with all my heart; and 

Oct. 20. . . r , ... . 

this for the present without 

Bible teaching. But, after much reflection 

the God of the Bible, without change was the 

God I chose, and the God I loved. For the 

God of my choice must be infinite in all His 

perfections, just as He is revealed ; and His 

government just what it is ; and heaven just 

what it is. This course of thought, as it gave 

me opportunity to choose afresh what kind 

of a God I could greatly love, was exceedingly 

delightful. 

Progress, the spirit of heaven. 

Progress, progress, will forever be the spirit 
of heaven, and should be my spirit. The 
glory of God is the great motive 
power for progress. And, as the 
glory of God is infinite, it can never lose this 
power on a heavenly mind. These views made 
me feel that I have as yet but little heavenly 
light, and have been too contented with its 
dawning state. In dwelling upon this failure, 
my purpose became strong to seek for it as 
the great good. I desired that the odious- 
ness of sin, so much exhibited in the spirit of 
the world, and especially as detected in my 
own heart, might lead me to faithful effort. 



96 seeking and finding. 

Help me, O my God. Great good is ever be- 
fore me. Give me constant aspirings. I have 
too long been a spiritual infant. Oh, to at- 
tain a fullness of stature. Great and good 
things are presented by my loving Saviour. 
I will be slack no longer. 



Love in all the attributes of God. 

The great and comprehensive truth that 

God is love, gives character to all His acts. 

The love of God often impresses 
Dec. 2. . , " . 1 . , . 

my mind with special interest in 

seasons set apart for meditation and prayer. 
The certainty that His love directs all that 
He does, and all that He requires, often brings 
me into happy communion with Him. For I 
can not long dwell on such love with a heart 
unmoved. Other views relating to the great- 
ness of God, highly exalt my thoughts. But, 
until I connect them with His love, my heart 
is unaffected. Indeed, I have come to the 
conclusion that as God is love, I will not al- 
low myself to dwell either on His power, or 
His knowledge, or His omnipresence, without 
connecting these attributes with His love ; for 
in reality His love is always connected with 
them. Love is in all the being of God. 
Therefore, when I pray, may the thought im- 



SEEKING AND FINDING. 



97 



press my heart that God is love ; and that He 
whose will is the expression of wisdom and 
love, is worthy of trust, obedience, and end- 
less praise. 

Co-working with God by prayer in retirement. 

God requires that His spiritual children 
shall be co-workers with Him in His spiritual 
kingdom. But they can not be 
qualified for such exalted serv- 
ice, without possessing a state of heart cor- 
responding with His heart, and with His work. 
To attain such an object my thoughts have 
been directed to that kind of prayer which 
God promises to hear, which is the effectual, 
fervent prayer of a righteous man. Such a 
prayer "availeth much." I was therefore 
impressed with the duty and happiness of at- 
taining such a spirit of prayer ; that is, an 
earnest longing in prayer, that the kingdom 
of God may come, and His will be done on 
earth, as it is done in heaven. I sought to 
set before me such a state in the whole visible 
church. The imagined change affected my 
heart. I thought I prayed anxiously for it, 
and hoped it to be a settled purpose to con- 
tinue thus to pray for it. I felt that such a 
duty was mine, because I am now unemployed 
5 



98 SEEKING AND FINDING. 

in temporal concerns, and am generally alone 
in my room, and in comfortable health. May 
God give me the Holy Spirit in rich measure, 
that I may truly pray, day by day, during my 
life on earth, animated by the worth of souls, 
by love to God and His glory. 



Soul vision of God. 

I can not doubt that my spirit has this morn- 
ing been with God, and according to its capac- 
ity has seen God. I have had 
long and free communion with 
Him. For a short time light and love were 
small, but increased till I could neither desire 
nor ask for more. It was the holiness of God 
and His glory therein that were manifested. 
I was conscious of loving God during the ex- 
ercise, with all my heart, mind, and strength. 
I gave myself entirely to Him. I improved 
the occasion to pray entreatingly, first that 
God would keep me from all manner of sin, 
and cause me to love and honor Him as I 
ought. These petitions were strong beseech- 
ings again and again. The visible church 
throughout the world, and all who know not 
God, were included. 



SEEKING AND FINDING. 



99 



Two natures. 
I am conscious of having two kinds of af- 
fection, or two hearts of opposite natures. 
One is for God and heavenly 
things; the other, for things 
temporal and perishing. They never act to- 
gether, but sometimes in quick succession. 
At other times, seasons of light, and love are 
long enjoyed with little or no interruption. 
The spirit of evil, as I hope, is increasingly 
manifesting symptoms of decay. Happy the 
period, and longed for, when this conflict 
shall cease, and God and His glory, and heav- 
enly purity shall be the constant joy of my 
heart. 

Forever increasing in the knowledge of God. 
This morning I contemplated the blessed- 
ness of increasing forever in the knowledge of 
God. That it will be so in 
heaven is evident from God's 
requirement of His children while on the 
earth, and also from the benevolence of God. 
The thought, though not new, was more ani- 
mating than ever before ; for I dwelt upon it 
as the highest happiness, to be learning more 
and more of God eternally. What a blessed 
entertainment is this, in reserve for all the 
children of God. New glories forever ! 



IOO SEEKING AND FINDING. 

The true view of God's will. 

I realized that God's will is right, that I 

love it, and desire that it may control my 

heart. Formerly, I often failed 

Dec 22. 

to realize the true influence of 
God's will, because I reflected how I might feel 
under this or that trial. Could I be submis- 
sive? By this obstacle confusion of thought 
took the place of delightful meditation on the 
will of God, which was preparing my mind by 
love and trust, for any trial which God in His 
wisdom might have appointed for me. I re- 
solved, therefore, no more to interrupt, by 
imaginary ills, the direct and happy effect of 
submission to the will of God. 

Rest in God. 

Last evening, I became weary by reflecting 

on divine truth ; and it seemed to be my 

duty to desist entirely, for the 
Jan. 4, 1870. , ' , T . . 

benefit 01 repose. In seeking 

that state, my mind was soon at rest ; yet, 
without any effort, I was quietly loving God. 
This made my rest sweet and peaceful, and 
my sleep refreshing. It was like an impres- 
sion of beauty sometimes presented above the 
horizon, after the setting of the sun, on which 
we have only to look, and we instantly ad- 
mire. 



SEEKING AND FINDING. i I 

All trials sent in mercy to God's children. 

" All things shall work together for good to 
them that love God." 

Bible promises give me assur- 

Jan. 20. . . 

ance that renewing grace has 
placed me forever under the dispensation of 
mercy. Though God should send great trials 
upon me, they would be in mercy, not in judg- 
ment. To-day I have such views of the wis- 
dom and love of God in all His dealings with 
His people, that I can say with special trust 
and cheerfulness : " Thy will be done." For 
all must be right and good that pertains to a 
dispensation of mercy. The love of God 
could not omit a single trial that He sends 
upon His children. 

Interest in all that God is, or has been, or 
has done. 

It is a blessed truth that infinite good exfsts. 

To the inquiry, where is it ? the answer is, 

everywhere. For God is omni- 

March 2. , T . . 

present. Neither time nor 
place can change the interest I should feel in 
anything God has done for the benefit of man. 
I should feel the same interest in the life of 
Christ on earth, as if I had conversed with 
Him ; seen His miracles ; heard His teaching ; 



102 SEEKING AND FINDING. 

witnessed His death; and seen Him ascending 
to heaven. that I may live as such realities 
require. Would that I could express the 
views which I have had of God, as presented 
in His works ; in sun, moon, stars, and earth 
with its oceans, continents, and their produc- 
tions ; but above all, the human race and 
their works, as creatures of God. Indeed, 
God seemed to be in everything. 

Out of self into God. 

I have resolved that I will henceforth seek 

to live out of and away from self. For self 

^ is a poor, insignificant room for 

June 13. . v ' s . n 

an immortal mind, even for the 
duration of this present life. If my soul has 
no better habitation here than self, it will have 
a most fearful one in another world. There- 
fore, I resolve (God helping by His grace), 
that I will forsake this miserable home of self 
for that which is heavenly — the bosom of God. 
Let God henceforth and forever be the home 
of my spirit. Why should I wait till I die 
before I dwell habitually in my spiritual abode ? 

Divine light and glory'. 

In the morning sermon, the preacher, the 
Rev. Mr. Calkins, gave a very interesting re- 



SEEKING AND FINDING. 103 

., , view of the great revival in the 

November 24. & 

Sabbath in Biif- time of Jonathan Edwards, in 
fa o, N. . J733. His exceeding spiritual 
light and love, and the eminent grace and 
fidelity of many others, were commented upon 
in a manner adapted to awaken Christians to 
their duties and privileges. Though I was 
much interested, my heart at the, time was not 
specially moved. 

But after I returned home, and had taken a 
little rest and sleep, I seemed very soon to be 
in spiritual light. It greatly increased till it 
seemed a universe of light. I thought it was 
God himself; the light of His love, His 
knowledge, His wisdom, and His power. It is 
not difficult to realize now, though several 
hours have passed, that God is all about me, 
a boundless Spirit. My views of myself are 
also unusual. I seem to be a particle, or a 
mere point of light in a universe of Divine 
light and glory. Blessed is the truth that 
" God is all and in all." 

The omnipresence of God a help to devotion. 

I have considered how I may realize more 

constantly the presence of God. I must re- 

^ „ member that His presence is a 

Jan., 1871. ■ r 

revealed truth. Besides, every 
object that I see presents Him ; also, every 



io4 



SEEKING AND FINDING. 



object known to exist, seen or unseen. The 
whole world is His property. All that men 
call their own is His. The air I breathe is 
His, and all the airy region. The flying clouds 
should remind me of God, since He is repre- 
sented as " riding upon the wings of the wind." 
Also, the numberless suns and worlds nightly 
tell me of His greatness, wisdom, and power. 
I have had much comfort in thinking of the 
Divine omnipresence as a spiritual atmosphere. 
I can not see the common atmosphere ; yet, 
wherever I am it sustains my natural life. So 
it is with God as a spiritual atmosphere. 
Though my eyes do not perceive Him, He is 
all about me, and I could have no spiritual 
life for a moment without Him. The presence 
of God chiefly constitutes heaven. But, He 
is as truly on earth in all His perfections as 
He is in that blessed world. Here the spirits 
of believers are imprisoned in the flesh. Be- 
sides this, their aspirations after holiness are 
needlessly feeble, and their attainments are 
mingled with sin. But I rejoice that the day 
of triumph is at hand, when " this mortal shall 
put on immortality," and death shall be swal- 
lowed up in victory. I desire henceforth to 
be animated and profited by the truth that 
God is the same on earth and in heaven. 



SEEKING AND FINDING. 



105 



The hope of Angelic guidance to heaven at 
death. 

As angels are represented to be " minister- 
ing spirits sent forth to minister for them who 
shall be heirs of salvation," I in- 

March 29. ... . 

dulge the comforting hope that 
when I die it will be an occasion for some of 
these heavenly guests to be with me, to con- 
duct my spirit to the world of glory. Though 
the power of God could readily effect the 
change, yet it is pleasant to think of angels as 
company and conductors to their own abode. 



Closing record by reason of age. 

It is about fifteen months since I have re- 
corded my religious exercises, though I have 
„ n enjoyed them as usual, and I 

June 22, 1872. ..,.-. 

think with increasing interest. 
Three reasons have prevailed with me to cease 
writing: a tremulous hand, much incapacity 
in old age to express my thoughts and affec- 
tions, and a settled conviction that no more 
can be desired by friends, about personal ex- 
perience. But this morning I have had such 
special views of God, that I am constrained 
simply to express my admiration of the great- 
ness of His love and His glory. I am sure 

-* 





I 6 SEEKING AND FINDING. 

from His Word that the light in which He 
has manifested His glory, was in its degree 
pure and heavenly. So near was God, that I 
was never more humble — mere nothingness. 
Yet He was my God, my sure portion forever. 



PART II. 



SUGGESTIONS, 

FOR THE CULTIVATION OF PIETY. 

In disconnected thoughts. 

OUR fidelity as Christians will have its 
happy effect down to the Millennium and 
forever. 

THOUGH we are very imperfect, we have 
much to do with perfection ; perfection in 
God ; perfection in His law ; in His Gospel ; 
in Christ ; in heaven ; all tending to lead us 
on to perfection in holiness and happiness. 

DEATH casts a dismal shade upon all things 
except those that relate to spiritual and 
eternal good. From them it lifts the veil and 
exhibits their glory. 

We must not think we have a spirit of pre- 
vailing prayer simply because we are sincere. 
It is only when we long after holiness, and 



I0 8 SEEKING AND FINDING. 

the blessings of God's grace on ourselves and 
others, that we may expect to be heard. " Ye 
shall seek Me and find Me, when ye search for 
Me with all your heart." 

Cultivate both aversion and sensibility to 
all sin. 

The prayers and holy living of Christians 
ought to correspond with the wants of the 
world, with the commands of God, and with 
the riches of His goodness. Then what 
prayers would be offered ! what holiness 
would be attained ! what sacrifices would be 
made ! 

It is a profitable exercise to try to realize 
that Scriptural truths and facts are truths and 
facts, and to feel and act accordingly. Thus 
God does. He saw the ruin of man as it was. 
Hence redemption by the blood of Christ. 

The imagination is a busy agent, either for 
good or evil. Hence the importance of a 
sanctified imagination. 

The Christian can feel established in the 
fact that he is a child of God, only by conduct- 
ing like His child. 



SEEKING AND FINDING. 109 

THAT we may be humble in all our spiritual 
light and attainments, we must consider that 
nothing good in us is from ourselves, but all 
from God. He gives us whatever there is in 
us that He loves, and requires us to give Him 
the glory. 

GOD knows what we are, and how little it is 
that we can know of Him. Hence we need not 
fear that we displease Him by the smallness 
of our conceptions of Him, and by the small 
measure of our love and praise, if we serve 
Him with all the powers we have. But He 
does require that we seek to glorify Him by 
consecrating to Him all the faculties He has 
given us, asserting His claim, " Ye are not 
your own." 

It is a great comfort to know that the 
power of God is greater than the power of any 
temptation. Hence the duty and privilege 
of looking to Him for help against our beset- 
ting sins. 

The Christian can find reason for entire 
satisfaction as to the time of his death, since 
it will be the time when the love of God will 
call him to come nearer to Himself, and to the 
full enjoyment of His eternal love. Even the 



1 10 SEEKING AND FINDING. 

passage through death should not seem dreary, 
for Christ is in that passage, and will conduct 
every disciple through it, to light and bless- 
edness. 

We should address Christ with the same 
interest which we think we should feel if He 
were with us bodily. For the same Divine 
nature that still dwells in His body is also 
present with us. 

A CHERISHED desire to please God con- 
stantly will greatly promote secret commun- 
ion with Him, in stated seasons of prayer. 

If we truly pray, our prayer is accepted, 
whether we see the answer or not. It will 
honor God, and the prayer will be answered in 
God's own time and manner. I said not unto 
the seed of Jacob, " Seek ye me in vain." 

SlN is always irrational. Holiness is found- 
ed in the highest reason. 

The mind is the man. God looks on our 
hearts, and there we should look. 

There is a two-fold interest and joy in con- 
templating Christ as God and man. As man, 



SEEKING AND FINDING, m 

He is our sympathizing friend ; as God, He 
can do all things for us. 

SlN consists in disobedience to God. Its 
vileness is not to be estimated by the seeming 
unimportance of the thing commanded or for- 
bidden. The first sin of man, in the garden 
of Eden, teaches this truth. 

Have no favorite sins, seeking to palliate 
them by plausible excuses. The natural heart, 
like the great adversary, is subtle. A Chris- 
tian may easily deceive himself. Hence the 
necessity of watchfulness as well as prayer. 

SINCE the friends of God will, in the future, 
all be like Him, because they will " see Him 
as He is"; the more clear and full our views 
of Him are now, the more shall we now be- 
like Him. 

CHRISTIANS who well understand the Gos- 
pel, often fail to avail themselves of the com- 
pleteness and fullness they have in Christ, and 
thereby deprive themselves of much consola- 
tion in trials, of much comfort in prayer and 
praise, and greatly fail to grow in grace. 

We often think of heaven, and anticipate 
with comfort its purity and happiness. How 



H2 SEEKING AND FINDING. 

consistent with this, that we should seek to 
attain as much as we can of the spirit and joy 
of heaven before we shall be called to enter it. 

EVERY sin will be best resisted by thinking 
of its nature, effects, and how God views it ; 
that it is enmity against God ; is from Satan ; 
leads to hell ; is moral darkness and death ; and 
procures the eternal displeasure and curse of 
God. Such is sin in its most alluring dress. 

We should labor to have such impressions 
of revealed realities as we shall have when we 
shall witness them; such as the coming of 
Christ at the end of the world ; the resurrec- 
tion of the dead ; the judgment ; the endless 
state of the righteous ; and that of the wicked. 
The effect of right impressions of such reali- 
ties would be a great increase of Christian 
zeal, and sacrifice for the salvation of men. 

THE invisible church of Christ throughout 
the world should be dear to us. 

God is honored in heaven by social worship. 
How large the assembly! Rev. v. 1 1, 12. 

Christians will forever enjoy a social union 
as members of Christ. They will ever be a 
" spiritual building " — " builded together." 



SEEKING AND El N DING. 



113 



All as one will say of Christ, " Who hath re- 
deemed us to God by His blood." 

To get an earnest desire for spiritual bless- 
ings when we pray for them, we must think 
of their nature, importance, and desirable- 
ness ; then realize that we have full liberty to 
ask for them in the worthy name of Christ, 
and that our unworthiness presents no obstacle 
to a gracious answer. But if we spend our 
strength in desiring to have desire, we divert 
our attention and our hearts from the great 
object. 

The Christian is doing well for his own 
spiritual interest when he does well for the 
spiritual interest of others. And he who does 
little for himself does little for others. 

The Christian has nothing to do at any 
time but to do the will of God. Hence he 
always has the privilege of doing something 
to the glory of God. 

THE standard of piety in the church at large 
fails to influence Christians in the right direc- 
tion. If we would be influenced by human 
example besides that of Christ, let us take such 
eminent examples as those of Moses, Daniel, 
John, and Paul. 



U4 



SEEKING AND FINDING. 



TRUE religion is not merely just, dutiful, 
peaceable, and pure. But it is an exalted prin- 
ciple. It is ingenuous, noble ; of large benev- 
olence ; ever aspiring after spiritual knowledge 
and conformity to the moral likeness of its 
Divine origin. 

There is a time when the Christian should 
be settled in the belief that he is a Christian. 
When should this be ? Not when he is per- 
fect ; for this state will never occur in this life ; 
nor should it be when he is unfaithful ; but 
when he is poor in spirit, when he hungers 
and thirsts after righteousness, and seeks to 
please and honor his Lord by believing His 
word and doing His will. 

In seasons of spiritual light the mind should 
be established not only in great truths and 
principles, but in a course of practice founded 
upon them, whatever changes may be expe- 
rienced in regard to spiritual comfort. 

In humbling Himself to our low condition 
and necessities that He might save us, how 
great was the real condescension of God, as 
comprehended by Himself, in view of His infi- 
nite perfections. As it was absolutely infinite, 
so is the love implied in it ; and the concep- 



SEEKING AND FINDING. 



US 



tions of the highest created intelligence con- 
cerning its greatness must forever be exceed- 
ingly limited. 

THE delight of God in prayer, and in the 
things promised to prayer, is an animating en- 
couragement to pray. 

A desirable state of mind in prayer is 
simplicity and childlike confidence. 

OFTEN dwell on some divine truth by a de- 
liberate purpose. 

We may reasonably conclude that one im- 
portant reason why Christ taught us to ad- 
dress God as " Our Father in heaven," is, be- 
cause we think of Him as manifesting there 
the glory of His perfections. 

Past religious affections belong to the char- 
acter of the believer, and may rightly confirm 
his hope in darkness if he still continue to 
seek, watch, and pray. 

CHRISTIANS, by virtue of their adoption as 
sons and daughters, have the privilege of 
pleading in prayer their near relationship to 
God. Gal. iv. 6 : " Because ye are sons, God 



1 1 6 SEEKING AND FINDING. 

hath sent forth the Spirit of His Son into your 
hearts, crying, Abba, Father." Thus, God 
himself would have us rely on this our rela- 
tion to Him by Christ, our Divine Brother 
and His beloved Son. 



It is the province of faith to regard all re- 
vealed truth as absolute certainty. Hence, the 
effect of strong faith is a holy life, and the ef- 
fect of unbelief is conformity to the world. 

If Christians would treat all realities, great 
and small, temporal and eternal, according to 
their relative importance, how spiritual and 
heavenly would be their lives. Thus did 
Jesus as our example. 

A DISPOSITION to rest in an intellectual ap- 
preciation of Christ is often the cause of long- 
continued declension in piety. It is only a 
spiritual view of Him that can move the 
heart. It is only with the heart that man be- 
lieveth unto righteousness. 

Grace is promoted in the faithful believer, 
even by the prevalence of sin around him, be- 
cause he sees in a clearer light the contrast 
between sin and holiness. 



SEEKING AND FINDING. 



117 



By abiding in Christ habitually, as one 
abides in his dwelling, a spiritual influence 
pervades the mind, and sweetens every hour, 
amidst all temporal cares and duties. Even 
in this dark world, we can thus acquire much 
knowledge of heaven ; for " The Lamb is the 
light thereof." 

It is adapted to increase our interest in 
prayer to realize that our minds and hearts 
are fixed on the same Divine perfections that 
excited love and praise in patriarchs and apos- 
tles ; and a still greater interest to realize that 
we perceive in some degree that glory of God 
which is seen and enjoyed by the saints and 
angels in heaven. Such a thought should ex- 
cite aspirations, more and more, after their 
spirit and their light. 

To be unsubmissive to the will of God in 
our trials, is virtually to desire that He were 
less wise and holy; for both His wisdom and 
holiness are expressed in every act of His will. 
A right temper of heart may desire a change 
of condition; but never in opposition to the 
will of God. 

That we may secure the guidance of wis- 
dom, we must ask God to take the whole con- 



Il8 SEEKING AND FINDING. 

trol of our minds in all things, temporal and 
spiritual. 

We may safely forget ourselves, and be un- 
concerned about our spiritual state, if we 
make it our single object to please and glorify 
God. This also is an effectual way to over- 
come any temptation or sinful propensity. 

THE importance of realizing realities is in 
exact proportion to their magnitude. 

Unbelief regards God as never seeing, 
never speaking. But faith regards Him as 
ever seeing and searching the heart, and ever 
speaking in His Word and by His Spirit. 

We should never wait for a spirit of prayer 
before we pray ; but pray at any time for a 
spirit of prayer, and for any other needed 
grace. 

THE great truths of Revelation will have 
their full illustration only in heaven ; as the 
perfections of God ; the evil of sin ; God's 
gift of His Son to save sinners ; the new 
birth ; forgiveness ; spiritual union to Christ ; 
justification by Christ ; and eternal life ; heir- 
ship of the saints with Christ. The more our 



SEEKING AND FINDING. 



II 9 



conversation is in heaven now, the more 
heavenly will be our views of all Divine 
truth. 

HEAVENLY happiness and glory will for- 
ever illustrate the love of Christ, and the 
efficacy of His death. 

As God is omnipresent, we live amidst infi- 
nite, unchangeable, and eternal love; then 
how easy a thing should it be to love God. 

The conduct of a faithful Christian, who 
has lost the light of God's countenance, may 
be illustrated by that of a man in a dark 
room, with the structure of which he is famil- 
iar, and knows the place of the door. He 
soon feels his way successfully to it, and gets 
out into the light. 

The real Christian, though he has lost the 
light of God's countenance, is familiar with 
Divine teaching, and being guided by it, soon 
enjoys again the light of life. 

In all lawful temporal employments, 
whether great or small, the children of God 
have the privilege of acting as His servants, 
and of believing that they are doing His will. 
This sentiment, if it be abiding, will greatly 
aid us in special seasons of devotion ; since 



120 SEEKING AND FINDING. 

the change will not be to refrain for a season 
from serving ourselves, in order to commune 
with God, for all our acts will be of one spirit. 

Christ, in saying to His disciples, " Peace 
I leave with you, My peace I give unto you," 
doubtless meant that He had provided peace 
for them like His own ; not merely in regard 
to its nature, but also its permanence. In such 
a merciful provision, we find a weighty motive 
to keep ourselves evermore in an attitude to 
enjoy the peace of Christ. 

EVERY professor of religion may expect 
that the spiritual condition in which he will 
be called to meet death, will be that of his 
ordinary life. 

If we would hope that God would meet us 
in the closet, we must seek to please and hon- 
or Him out of it. 

The experience of Christians in their con- 
solations and joys, under the enlightening and 
sanctifying power of the Holy Spirit, is a 
realization that He is indeed the " Comforter." 
How valuable, then, is that kind assurance of 
Christ, that our heavenly Father will give us 
the Spirit if we ask Him. Hence, if we have 



SEEKING AND FINDING. \ 2 \ 

not the consolations and joys which the Com- 
forter gives, we have not asked aright, or ac- 
cording to the mind of God. 

" Whosoever will, let him take the water 
of life freely." 

This includes everything relating to a free 
and full salvation ; as forgiveness, justifica- 
tion, peace, a reconciled God, a Saviour's love, 
unfailing treasures, and glory everlasting. All 
these are included in the water of life. We 
have only to "take" it. O how adapted to 
excite love, thankfulness, adoring wonder, and 
every Christian grace. Yet, free as it is, most 
Christians seem to treat this infinite good, as 
though it were a very difficult and self-deny- 
ing act, cordially to take it. 

A RIGHT improvement of our absolute de- 
pendence on God will insure our safety. We 
shall feel so helpless in ourselves, that we 
shall be afraid to leave Him for a moment. 
Hence, a true feeling of dependence, instead 
of producing spiritual sloth, leads to that 
humble Christian life which pleases God. 

"Abide in Me." 

Jesus should be the familiar home of our 
spirits. Peace is there. 
6 



I2 2 SEEKING AND FINDING. 

THE government of a present God in all 
events, and His wisdom and holiness therein, 
should be to us a permanent source of peace. 
We are otherwise on a troubled sea where we 
can not rest. 

OUR ever-varying circumstances indicate to 
us from time to time the means which God 
would have us improve for our highest good 
and for His glory. Care and business, as well 
as leisure and quietness ; darkness of mind, as 
well as light ; losses, as well as acquisitions ; 
sickness, as well as health ; all should be im- 
proved, as important means of spiritual prog- 
ress. 

THE wonderful truth that there is never a 
moment when God does not love every one 
that is born of the Spirit, with a love that 
has no limit, is adapted to awaken love at all 
times in the heart of a Christian. 

How worthy is holiness to be loved and 
sought for its exceeding purity. It is delight- 
ful to contemplate the purity of God, and the 
purity of all the inhabitants of heaven. 

If we daily commit ourselves to God's holy 
keeping and wise direction, in regard to all 
we think, say, or do, the influence upon us 



SEEKING AND FINDING. 



123 



will be most happy, for God will be faithful to 
His promises. In reading the Scriptures wc 
should consider God as speaking to us indi- 
vidually, either in " reproof, correction, or in- 
struction in righteousness." 

THE promise of the Holy Spirit is pre-emi- 
nent among the precious promises of God. 
In this invaluable gift is comprehended all 
spiritual light and every Christian grace. 
And how clearly and positively, and with 
what parental kindness is it offered to him 
who only asks it of his heavenly Father. 

THE unchangeableness of God gives per- 
petual freshness to the truths of His Word. 
It should cause them to be regarded as though 
they were spoken immediately to us from the 
mouth of the Lord. His word to Moses, and 
David, and Paul, is His word to us also in 
its spiritual meaning, — especially is Christ 
therein revealed u the same yesterday, to-day, 
and forever." 

Happy is that Christian whose spirit habitu- 
ally rests and lives in the will of God. 

Seeking to please God in all things, yet 
depending wholly on Christ for acceptance, is 
that combined exercise which should ever 
distinguish the life of a redeemed sinner. 



124 SEEKING AND FINDING. 

In prayer we should cherish the encourag- 
ing thought that God takes infinite delight in 
all the spiritual good for which we pray, 
whether it relates to ourselves or others. 

To renounce self for Christ is a blessed ex- 
change. 

We should seek not after evidence, but 
after Christ to confirm our hope that we are 
His. 

THE benevolence of God is in all His re- 
quirements. 

The greatest and best motives which the 
Word of God presents, should control our 
affections and conduct. 

It is the nature of sin to treat eternal things 
as though they were temporal, and temporal 
things as though they were eternal. The 
nature of holiness is the reverse. Which of 
these ways is my prevailing practice ? 

In every temptation to sin, we should hear 
a still small voice, saying, " It was sin that 
crucified your Lord, including such a sin as 
you are now tempted to commit." 



SEEKING AND FINDING. \2$ 

PRESENT experience of spiritual light and 
love is often considered by Christians as an 
essential preparation to pray. But, accord- 
ing to Bible teaching, a deep sense of want, 
connected with trust in God, is that prepara- 
tion in which He especially delights, and to 
which He chiefly annexes His promises. Our 
great care, therefore, should be to feel our 
needs, and to trust in a promising God. 

We think of heaven as the place where we 
shall see God our Father, and Christ our Sav- 
iour in their fullness and glory. It is profita- 
ble and delightful to believe and to cherish 
the truth that they are ever present with us 
here in their heavenly excellence and glory, 
though to us invisible. 

We should submit cheerfully and entirely 
to the will of God, not only as already mani- 
fested by events, but to His will, yet unknown 
except by Himself. Herein is peace resting 
on the broad basis of God's universal and 
eternal government. 

THE kingdom of God may have a small be- 
ginning in the soul, like "a grain of mustard- 
seed," but its nature is to grow. Hence it 
becomes every one professing religion to in- 
quire : Is that which I regard as a principle of 

grace in me, a growing principle ? 
6* 



I2 6 SEEKING AND FINDING. 

Thoughts of God, be they ever so faint, 
and seeming only to flit across the mind, 
should be cherished ; for they are the gentle 
whispers of the Spirit, and if cherished, will 
result in much communion with God, and 
spiritual growth. 

Two wills are ever present with us : the 
will of God, and our own will ; each claiming 
our chief regard. If we well consider their 
relative importance, we shall be able to say to 
God, with great decision and a full heart, 
" Thy will " (not mine) " be done." 

It is a comforting thought to the Christian, 
in view of the certainty of death, that the soul 
is susceptible of sublime perceptions and great 
enjoyment without the body. It is not the 
eye, but the soul that perceives the spiritual 
beauty and glory of God. It is not any organ 
of the body, but the soul that loves God, and 
Christ, and the kingdom of heaven. And it is 
not the body, but the soul that is conscious 
of happiness in communion with God. 

The address, " Our Father which art in 
heaven," may intimate that, in idea, we should 
place ourselves in heaven when we pray. 

Endeavor to pray as an adopted child of 



SEEKING A AW FINDING. \2J 

God, a joint heir with Christ, and a member 
of His body. 

THE Christian, even in this life, has great 
possessions, yet often but little happiness. 
He should consider how he may better enjoy 
his possessions. 

The service which God requires is not a 
hard service. It is to love that which is lovely ; 
to hate that which is hateful ; and to do that 
which is right. A service opposite to this 
would indeed be hard, and could never be re- 
quired by a righteous God. 

Comfort should not be sought in the evi- 
dence of spiritual growth, except as it gives 
us joy in Christ. 

To forsake self and dwell in Christ is full- 
ness of joy. 

THE less we are disposed to pray, there is 
need that we pray the more frequently. 

Christians, if they would prosper in their 
high and heavenly calling, should be influ- 
enced by the facts and great realities relating 
to it ; as men of worldly wisdom are influenced 
by facts and well-known principles relating to 
their business, that they may prosper in it. 



I2 8 SEEKING AND FINDING. 

THE love of heaven is an evidence of fitness 
for it. 

He that would be spiritually-minded and 
grow in grace must have much to do with the 
Word of God, in reading, meditation, and 
prayer. 

A CHRISTIAN should always carry his cross 
with him ready for use, and the moment that 
any sin besets him, he should take the nail of 
hatred and the hammer of resolution and 
fasten that sin to his cross, there to remain 
till it dies. 

THE real greatness of Christ was wonder- 
fully manifested in His humiliation. His great- 
ness of benevolence, of wisdom, and of power, 
were all thus manifested. 

THE Christian who will habitually think of 
himself as being in Christ and belonging to 
Him, will ever find a weighty motive to love 
and serve Him. 

He whose habitual aim it is to please and 
honor God is as much entitled, when in seasons 
of darkness, to appropriate Christ as his right- 
eousness and strength, as when he enjoys the 
clearest manifestations of His fullness and 
love. 



INDEX OF TOPICS. 



« PAGE 

All good in Christ 14 

A soul vision of God 17 

A meeting in heaven 39 

Abiding in Christ for growth and strength .... 44 

A special visit of God to the soul 65 

All trials sent in mercy to God's children 101 

Birth-day reflections 26 

Birth-day reflections 39 

Benefit of trials. 42 

Confidence in the rectitude of God 18 

Christ revealed in prayer 46 

Conformity to the will of God, the great good 

of life 68 

Christian pantheism — God in everything 83 

Co-working with God, by prayer in retirement. 97 

Closing record by reason of age 105 

Dwelling in love 25 

Danger of self-reliance 70 

Divine light and glory 102 

Eternal life now begun 49 

Encouragement to the weak in faith 55 

Finding the kingdom of God in the heart by 

seeking it in the world 37 

Finding God as one would have Him to be. . . . 94 

Forever increasing in the knowledge of God ... 99 



130 



INDEX OF TOPICS. 



God enjoyed in public travel 23 

God present in His Word 27 

Gain from the enemy, Sin 31 

God a Father 47 

God sought and found in His Spiritual pres- 
ence . 48 

God worthy of all possible honor and glory . . 62 
God's knowledge of our sins no barrier to His 

mercy 62 

God the immediate cause of religious affections 79 

God reigning to bring good out of evil 85 

Higher aims and richer experiences 28 

Heaven near, not distant 56 

How to obtain the spirit of prayer 60 

How to have more than an intellectual view of 

Christ 69 

How to read the Bible for private devotion. ... 78 

Heavenly fellowship 90 

How to be kept in the love of God 25 

" I know thy works " 41 

In Christ 74 

Interest in all that God is, or has been, or has 

done 101 

" Just as I am " 87 

Keeping the heart 16 

Love for the Church 24 

Longing after holiness 73 

Likeness to Christ 84 

Living in the will of God 93 

Love in all the attributes of God 96 

Out of darkness into light 33 

Out of weakness into strength 38 

Out of self into God . 102 



INDEX OF TOPICS. 



131 

PAGE 



Purity of mind essential to communion with 

God 15 

Penitence for sin 24 

Prayer 35 

Progress in Christian experience 51 

Personal experience not a qualification for 

heaven 72 

Prayer for light and love, answered 79 

Prayer for great objects 90 

Progress, the spirit of Heaven 95 

Renewed consecration 22 

Right views of the world 53 

Readiness to meet Christ 66 

Review of life 81 

Rest in the righteous government of God 87 

Receptivity to Christ, the condition of mani- 
festation 92 

Rest in God 100 

Renewed consecration for life 35 

Serving God by prayer 13 

Spiritual union with Christ 19 

Spiritual riches sought and found 30 

Self-love 32 

Spiritual desolation 45 

Self-dying — God supreme 50 

Soul vision of God 98 

The personal appropriation of Christ 13 

The love of Christ , 18 

The joy of self-destitution. 21 

Trials 28 

The controlling motive of life 40 

The hidden manna 50 

The Gospel a system of love 52 



13: 



INDEX OF TOPICS. 



The intercession of Christ 54 

The social principle realized between God and 

His children 58 

The laws of mind to be regarded in spiritual 

meditation 59 

The doctrine of Justification a source of Chris- 
tian growth 64 

The spirit committed to God for keeping. ... 67 

The unchanging love of God 71 

The will of God, and His presence, sources of 

joy 73 

The will of God 80 

The Commandments of God reasonable 82 

The loveliness of God draws to consecration. . . 86 

The facts and realities of religion 88 

The Spirit of adoption 91 

The solace of advancing age 91 

Two natures 99 

The true view of God's will. 100 

The omnipresence of God, a help to devotion.. 103 
The hope of Angelic guidance to heaven at 

death 105 

Unwavering faith in the Word of God 75 

Worthiness in God, the basis of moral obliga- 
tion 76 

What is future, will soon be present 94 



Part II. — Suggestions for the cultivation of 

Piety. In disconnected thoughts 107-128 





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